A review of 33!!

Good morning and Happy Monday my readers,

It has been awhile since I wrote a blog. It hasn't been laziness, its just that so much has been going on in my life that I haven't had the chance to sit down and write. I promised one of my readers that after my birthday weekend  I will write a post so as promised here I am writing.

This past Tuesday I was blessed or should I say we were blessed to celebrate another birthday. When I say we, I mean my twin sister and I. For those of you who didn't know yes I am a twin lol. So yes, we were blessed to see another year. I look back at my life and I'm like Wow!!! I can't believe that God has blessed me to see this age. I mean not many live to see 34 and I realized I am blessed beyond measure. So yeah I am 34, still a lot of work and improvements to be made but I made it this far and I pray I live to see more years.

Anyways, so I've decided to do a little reflection on my life this past year. So come with me on a journey  as I reflect  33. Well to be honest, the year started out as hopeful, I believed a lot of good things were going to come my way. I turned 33 and I felt like a lot of my desires were going to come to pass. Well I felt optimistic, I felt hopeful, but a lot happened that made me realize I am not in control of my life. There is a higher power in charge of my life. I felt that, yes I was going to be blessed with a new job, I was finally going to meet my life partner, my health was going to improve and I was going to travel the world.  What happened, I lost my job, life partner well still hopeful, my health is getting better, and travelling the world, well I made it to Austin Texas, Indiana and New York City. I had a nervous breakdown, that caused me to get help and also to realize that I need to stop trying to control my life. I am the girl who always has a time attached to everything I do. Things have to be accomplished by a certain time. I need to have a new job within a period of time. I need to be in a relationship by a period of time. My health has to be improved within a certain time frame.What I have realized this past year is that first of all no matter what I do, its not my timing its God's timing. I just need to trust and believe in His timing not in my timing. So let me tell you what happened, So I wanted a new job, but God said you need to let go of what you have to get what you need. So what happens? I lose my job. Has it been easy not having a regular income? not even close. Is it fun sitting at home all day? nope, but one thing that it has allowed me to do is to see that my options are limitless. I am not restricting myself, I am not willing to settle for just anything and also I realized I deserve a lot more in my career.  It is making me realize what I really want to do. I have been thinking a lot and realize that I don't have to reach for the moon but I can reach for the sun. If NASA can send a rocket to Jupiter then I can definitely reach for Pluto.  In life I have realized, we get comfortable in our situations. We know we are not happy where we are, but we start looking at what will happen if we leave our current situations. We let fear encompass us from moving forward. We think about how life will be difficult. But, what I've realized is that, sometimes when you are taken out of your comfort zone, you learn to survive. You create a new normal. You find a way to thrive and survive. You  do not live the same way you used to, you change it. I mean sometimes its hard to break away from old ways but as things change so you learn to adjust to it. Well anyways I learnt to live differently, I learnt to be more positive. One of the beautiful things that has happened since losing my job is that, my friend is an Executive Director for a Community Center. This summer they had a girls camp and needed volunteers. In the beginning, I was a bit reluctant to volunteer. I didn't want to spend my summer with kids. The time I should be job hunting I will be working at this camp. But God prompted me to help out. So I did, and I can honestly tell you this. It has been the most challenging, difficult, tiring, patience testing experience. Trust me I have a lot more adjectives and verbs to describe my experience but best believe, I will never regret it. I loved every minute of it. Even though on our way home we would be so exhausted, yes I've drank more than I usually do but, I  loved it and made me realize what I really want to do with my life and career. And oddly it has taught me all about motherhood and somewhat prepared me for it. Had I still be in my job, I would have missed out on this opportunity.  Yes God puts you in situations to prepare you for His plan in your life. You just have to put trust and faith in Him.

With regards to my health, as you guys know, I had surgery, and that got rid of my fibroids .But not only did it get rid of my fibroids, I also lost a lot of weight. I have been struggling for years with my weight, then surgery came and I lost my appetite and my weight just dropped. Since that happened I realized that God did two things at once. So what do I do now, I'm doing my best to keep it off. I walk everywhere. At least if its 30 mins to an hour walk, I do that instead of taking public transport. I make sure that the days I am not at camp I wake up and go for a walk. A long walk too. I make it a point to go to the gym and do two classes. I am improving my health although this birthday week and weekend is a write off but I am back on track this week. It is funny how God makes things happen in your life. It might not be how you imagined it. It might not have  been  the easiest route, sometimes it challenges you, sometimes its hard, sometimes its so dark you want to give up. I can tell you, recovery was so painful , I didn't think I could keep going. Thankfully once I recovered I had dropped 4 dress sizes, my belly was flatter not flat but flatter. At least I do not look as pregnant as I did before. But yes, God does promise you the destination but He never promises you an easy route.

Another thing has happened in my life, I shall keep that part private for now. I am still going through it. Trust me  things started happening and it was soo beautiful in the beginning, then something very bad happened and it just turned our world upside down. Anyways it has been challenging. Talking about it with close friends and family sometimes got me conflicting view points to the point where I almost felt like my brain was about to explode. How can it be so beautiful and now its soo dark and almost seems impossible. Will  things go back to what it used to be?  A lot of tears, a lot of moments of feeling hopeless, a lot of days where my faith  was so low I just wanted to give up. Thankfully, there was still a fire within me. There was always something or a voice that kept saying, don't give up, don't give up. Its going to get better, have faith, God is in control. One day, I went on a walk, my heart was soooo heavy I just couldn't even concentrate. I was listening  to Marvin Sapp. I have my music on shuffle, oddly enough all the songs that kept playing were songs of hope, and not giving up and having faith. Now I'm sure that you guys will say of course Marvin Sapp will sing about those things he is a gospel artist after all. Yes that is true, but then at the end of the day it wasn't by chance I chose to listen to him, it wasn't by chance those songs were playing and I was listening to the lyrics of the songs not just hearing it.  Anyways, as I was walking back home, I got to the traffic light and I see a guy wearing a tee shirt that said don't give up don't give in. How random! The one day I'm feeling like walking away from my situation, the day I felt I couldn't carry on. The day my heart was so heavy I felt I couldn't carry it in my chest. That day I saw that. The minute I got home, I got on my knees crying  hard and praying and telling God, I release my burden and I ask you to take control of my life. I ask you to be in control. I can't take it any more. You are my only source of strength. I then watched the War Room and it  reminded me about the power of prayer. I went online and ordered the book Fervent by Priscilla Shrier. I will recommend it to all women. It is inspired by War Room.  Since then I increased my prayer. I started praying fervently, I started waking up early and praying. I'm telling you the peace that I have found since I committed my life to prayer. Has the situation improved, not really. Some days it feels like things won't change, but one thing it has taught me is patience. When you believe something is meant for you, you have faith, you trust in the process, you start believing that God can change it. And yes He can and He will. My loved ones, who felt like it was a hopeless situation, have surprisingly started to have faith that it can change. When they speak to me, it is words of encouragement than words of doubt. Reading the bible more and praying more, I have started to see people in the bible who were in a similar situation to mine. People like Job, Abraham, the Israelites, Ruth, Elizabeth, Joseph, Daniel and the list goes and on and on. God promised them victory. But, He never promised them easy. He didn't promise them instant.  He just told them to believe, not to fear and to prepare. Which they did. And victory was won.  So yes my journey has been hard, my journey has been dark, it has been trying, but trust me my faith is so strong that there is nothing you can tell me that will break that faith. My girl told me recentlyvthat  I am so calm, so peaceful, so positive. A few weeks ago you seemed a mess. I said yes because this situation is teaching me so much, and giving me patience. It seems bleak now but I know that God will turn it around. Even if I do not get the result I want, I will get the result I need and I will testify and glorify the Lord.

34 is here, this year my birthday has been special, My girl took me to dinner and dessert which was amazing, our friend flew in last minute from St Louis to celebrate with us and he made our birthday so enjoyable and fun. I got a surprise gift from my dearest cousin all the way from England. I went to camp and my girls wished me a happy birthday all day and made my week extra special. My uncle calls me outta the blue. Haven't spoken to him in two years and calls me and declares a prophesy over my life. 34 is going to be a really blessed year. I see God at work in my life. No matter the challenges, no matter the trials, even if things don't work out how I would want it to work out. I know that God is in control. As it states in Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for you to prosper... go check it out.  He also states in Matt 6:25-34, Do not worry...  Ps 23 The Lord is my Shephard, I shall not want. Why should I fret or worry?

My dearest readers, 33 came and is gone. It taught me a lot. I am grateful for all that it brought me, I'm happy its over and ready to embrace the next chapter of my life. I know its going to be a good one. God has been so merciful to me. He has revealed to me plans He has for my life. He didn't promise easy. He just promised me victory. No matter what I face, I know that staying positive, having faith, doing what I am supposed to do and constantly praising God through adversity and triumph, I will make it through. Nothing will stop me. My God is limitless so are His plans.

Stay tuned friends, once my other situation changes or improves or even if it doesn't I will keep you posted. Have faith guys, no matter what it is you are facing. God is in control.
Bring on 34 its going to be one of the best years yet!!!!

lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W