Life behind the Computer Screen
Hello, my lovelies,
I know it has been awhile since I blogged. Honestly, I haven't been in the right frame of mind. As per my last blog, I mentioned my dad has not been well and it has been a difficult time for my family. A lot of emotions, a lot of time spent at the hospital, a lot of uncertainty but we are putting our faith in God and knowing that He is still in the miracle business so no matter what the doctors say God can turn things around.
Anyway, I am not here to write about that, today I just want to share my experience with online dating these past few months. A few months ago my mentor and I were drawing up my goals and one of my goals, of course, is being with my life partner or marriage. So she suggested that although I am praying and trusting God for a partner, faith without works is dead so you must also prepare yourself for it and also make yourself available. So she suggested that I go back online because it avails me to a wide scope because truly you don't know which avenue God will use to bring you to your life partner. I must say I heeded to her advice and went back online. This time I chose to use a different website to see if I will get some pull. I won't lie immediately, I was overwhelmed with messages from men from all walks of life. But for some reason, no one captured my attention and the ones I messaged even if they responded they didn't seem interested. (Tip for women who are online, men who claim that you should message them if you are interested in the profile, most likely will not respond unless you are offering sex. Even if they do they most likely will not pursue you because men are hunters. If a man is interested nothing will stop him from reaching out first) Anyway I met a few guys but these two that I will talk about left a "lasting impression"
First guy, came out of nowhere, when he messaged me I checked out his picture and his bio and he seemed like a good guy or so I thought. After responding to his message conversation flowed so easily. He was interesting and he got me interested to know him further. We didn't waste time trying to meet. Our first date lasted 5 hours. He was a gentleman, he got me to realize there were still some good men out there. Definitely, we had chemistry and dude put in the work to woo me. We had a second date a day after and that was just as great. We were video chatting and talking on the phone daily. By the way, he was once married and had two kids. Not my cup of tea but trust at 35, guys my age or older may come packaged with kids from previous marriages or relationships so I can't just limit myself to men who do not have kids. Although there are few around I can't just say no to kids. Long story short, he came with a lot of promises and filled my head with a lot of words, he did come with actions but in the end although in the beginning, he had wanted to have more kids he suddenly realized he wasn't looking to have any more kids so he felt it was best we end it. I mean I was disappointed but at the end of the day, I prayed that the Lord remove him from my life if he ain't from Him, so I believe that is what God did. Either way, rewinding conversations and looking at behaviours a lot of things seemed off and there were days I felt unsettled with him and I'm glad it didn't progress beyond 2 dates.
Second guy came literally a few days later. ( Yes, no need to cry over spilt milk, life goes on) This guy came persistent. I gave him my phone number so we could WhatsApp and I get a phone call. Which was refreshing because at least he didn't want to start off with texting. Oddly enough we had a good convo and he kept messaging me throughout the day. This guy was doing everything to have his day in court. The first time I met him he came to pick me up from a doctor's appointment and drove me home across town in rush hour. We had a good conversation. Physically he wasn't my type but then again, I'm learning that sometimes you have to allow yourself to be open. Sometimes Mr. Right will not come packaged the way you want him to be. Either way, dude was consistent. Constantly calling and reaching out, he would come over and see me. He also came born again, from the jump he told me that he wants us to put God first in our relationship. He even said he would like us to visit his church one day. He even planned our first date. Claimed there was a restaurant he was going to take me to, he set the day and the time. When it came time for the date, he went AWOL. To this date, I don't know if he is still on this planet. He just vanished into thin air. Poof like smoke. As quickly as he appeared as quickly he disappeared. This time after I hadn't heard from him in a few hours I chose to delete his number and just delete him from my life. As I type I still haven't heard from him so clearly I was right to delete him.
Well I must say there is a lesson learned in all of these situations. Dating in 2017 is hard and it sucks. Too many people hiding behind a mask pretending to be something that they are not. A lot of people are saying and doing things just to get what they want. Also, a lot of us are anxious to meet our ever after that we are willing to forgo our gut instincts and go by our desires. But all is not lost. I am not completely jaded. I see each experience as a lesson. And one of the things I have learned is this, that you can't rush or force the process. Every season in life you must embrace. I went from not dating at all or meeting any men to now meeting different men. Thankfully they came quickly and left quickly without leaving lasting damage and I thank God for that. But what I need to learn is that I need to stop trying to make any guy that comes my way the one. I don't believe I give off the vibe that I am anxious to get married but I am also getting hopeful and wanting to jump from meeting straight to commitment. I just need to enjoy the dating process. Meet a guy we talk from time to time, go out, hang out. Keep things light and fun and really just build a friendship and if through the friendship it grows to something more than great if not then you know what a new friend is made.
Another thing I've learned is that I need to really pay attention and hear when a guy speaks. Guys do reveal themselves through their words sometimes. As Maya Angelou said if someone shows you who they believe them.
I decided to close down my online dating profile, not because I think online dating doesn't work for me but at the moment I have a lot on my plate, with regards to my dad, trying to work on my career and building myself up. I recently told a friend I just met that, I am not closing myself off from a relationship nor would I say I am not ready to be with my one. If I am approached by someone and there is a good vibe I will be open to getting to know them further. Because I have realized that when it comes to life there is never the perfect moment to be in a relationship. Life happens all the time and there are always going to be things that will throw us for a loop it doesn't mean you stop living and walk away from opportunities because you think it is not the right time. If you are meant to go through a situation God will equip you to handle the situation. All I know is that I am not going to force any situation or make something happen because I want it to happen. I'm going to enjoy every experience that comes my way good or bad. I am going to allow myself to feel all that I need to feel when I'm facing something but also make sure ... as a friend told me last night, take care of yourself first. Don't let whatever you are going through stop you from taking care of yourself. So that is what I am doing.
Anyways, to my fellow single ladies, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, Don't be afraid to go online and meet people. As my friend told me that you never know where God will bring your one. Be open, to all avenues, explore opportunities, enjoy the dating process. It doesn't hurt to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. It doesn't mean you get intimate with every guy you meet or should you but at least, go out on dates and when you are busy living life, he will appear. All I will say is that, pray pray pray. Pray for discernment. Before you start dating, ask God to guide you. When a man approaches you pray to God and ask Him if this man is from Him, because you don't want anyone to distract you from your destiny. Even if that guy is here to teach you something embrace the lesson. If this guy is meant to open a door of opportunity then so be it. But always ask God for guidance and if after asking God he removes someone from your life don't beat yourself up because it is God just making your path clear for the one He has in store for you. So have fun, be safe and just let go and let God.
Wishing you love and light
xoxo
A.P.W
I know it has been awhile since I blogged. Honestly, I haven't been in the right frame of mind. As per my last blog, I mentioned my dad has not been well and it has been a difficult time for my family. A lot of emotions, a lot of time spent at the hospital, a lot of uncertainty but we are putting our faith in God and knowing that He is still in the miracle business so no matter what the doctors say God can turn things around.
Anyway, I am not here to write about that, today I just want to share my experience with online dating these past few months. A few months ago my mentor and I were drawing up my goals and one of my goals, of course, is being with my life partner or marriage. So she suggested that although I am praying and trusting God for a partner, faith without works is dead so you must also prepare yourself for it and also make yourself available. So she suggested that I go back online because it avails me to a wide scope because truly you don't know which avenue God will use to bring you to your life partner. I must say I heeded to her advice and went back online. This time I chose to use a different website to see if I will get some pull. I won't lie immediately, I was overwhelmed with messages from men from all walks of life. But for some reason, no one captured my attention and the ones I messaged even if they responded they didn't seem interested. (Tip for women who are online, men who claim that you should message them if you are interested in the profile, most likely will not respond unless you are offering sex. Even if they do they most likely will not pursue you because men are hunters. If a man is interested nothing will stop him from reaching out first) Anyway I met a few guys but these two that I will talk about left a "lasting impression"
First guy, came out of nowhere, when he messaged me I checked out his picture and his bio and he seemed like a good guy or so I thought. After responding to his message conversation flowed so easily. He was interesting and he got me interested to know him further. We didn't waste time trying to meet. Our first date lasted 5 hours. He was a gentleman, he got me to realize there were still some good men out there. Definitely, we had chemistry and dude put in the work to woo me. We had a second date a day after and that was just as great. We were video chatting and talking on the phone daily. By the way, he was once married and had two kids. Not my cup of tea but trust at 35, guys my age or older may come packaged with kids from previous marriages or relationships so I can't just limit myself to men who do not have kids. Although there are few around I can't just say no to kids. Long story short, he came with a lot of promises and filled my head with a lot of words, he did come with actions but in the end although in the beginning, he had wanted to have more kids he suddenly realized he wasn't looking to have any more kids so he felt it was best we end it. I mean I was disappointed but at the end of the day, I prayed that the Lord remove him from my life if he ain't from Him, so I believe that is what God did. Either way, rewinding conversations and looking at behaviours a lot of things seemed off and there were days I felt unsettled with him and I'm glad it didn't progress beyond 2 dates.
Second guy came literally a few days later. ( Yes, no need to cry over spilt milk, life goes on) This guy came persistent. I gave him my phone number so we could WhatsApp and I get a phone call. Which was refreshing because at least he didn't want to start off with texting. Oddly enough we had a good convo and he kept messaging me throughout the day. This guy was doing everything to have his day in court. The first time I met him he came to pick me up from a doctor's appointment and drove me home across town in rush hour. We had a good conversation. Physically he wasn't my type but then again, I'm learning that sometimes you have to allow yourself to be open. Sometimes Mr. Right will not come packaged the way you want him to be. Either way, dude was consistent. Constantly calling and reaching out, he would come over and see me. He also came born again, from the jump he told me that he wants us to put God first in our relationship. He even said he would like us to visit his church one day. He even planned our first date. Claimed there was a restaurant he was going to take me to, he set the day and the time. When it came time for the date, he went AWOL. To this date, I don't know if he is still on this planet. He just vanished into thin air. Poof like smoke. As quickly as he appeared as quickly he disappeared. This time after I hadn't heard from him in a few hours I chose to delete his number and just delete him from my life. As I type I still haven't heard from him so clearly I was right to delete him.
Well I must say there is a lesson learned in all of these situations. Dating in 2017 is hard and it sucks. Too many people hiding behind a mask pretending to be something that they are not. A lot of people are saying and doing things just to get what they want. Also, a lot of us are anxious to meet our ever after that we are willing to forgo our gut instincts and go by our desires. But all is not lost. I am not completely jaded. I see each experience as a lesson. And one of the things I have learned is this, that you can't rush or force the process. Every season in life you must embrace. I went from not dating at all or meeting any men to now meeting different men. Thankfully they came quickly and left quickly without leaving lasting damage and I thank God for that. But what I need to learn is that I need to stop trying to make any guy that comes my way the one. I don't believe I give off the vibe that I am anxious to get married but I am also getting hopeful and wanting to jump from meeting straight to commitment. I just need to enjoy the dating process. Meet a guy we talk from time to time, go out, hang out. Keep things light and fun and really just build a friendship and if through the friendship it grows to something more than great if not then you know what a new friend is made.
Another thing I've learned is that I need to really pay attention and hear when a guy speaks. Guys do reveal themselves through their words sometimes. As Maya Angelou said if someone shows you who they believe them.
I decided to close down my online dating profile, not because I think online dating doesn't work for me but at the moment I have a lot on my plate, with regards to my dad, trying to work on my career and building myself up. I recently told a friend I just met that, I am not closing myself off from a relationship nor would I say I am not ready to be with my one. If I am approached by someone and there is a good vibe I will be open to getting to know them further. Because I have realized that when it comes to life there is never the perfect moment to be in a relationship. Life happens all the time and there are always going to be things that will throw us for a loop it doesn't mean you stop living and walk away from opportunities because you think it is not the right time. If you are meant to go through a situation God will equip you to handle the situation. All I know is that I am not going to force any situation or make something happen because I want it to happen. I'm going to enjoy every experience that comes my way good or bad. I am going to allow myself to feel all that I need to feel when I'm facing something but also make sure ... as a friend told me last night, take care of yourself first. Don't let whatever you are going through stop you from taking care of yourself. So that is what I am doing.
Anyways, to my fellow single ladies, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, Don't be afraid to go online and meet people. As my friend told me that you never know where God will bring your one. Be open, to all avenues, explore opportunities, enjoy the dating process. It doesn't hurt to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. It doesn't mean you get intimate with every guy you meet or should you but at least, go out on dates and when you are busy living life, he will appear. All I will say is that, pray pray pray. Pray for discernment. Before you start dating, ask God to guide you. When a man approaches you pray to God and ask Him if this man is from Him, because you don't want anyone to distract you from your destiny. Even if that guy is here to teach you something embrace the lesson. If this guy is meant to open a door of opportunity then so be it. But always ask God for guidance and if after asking God he removes someone from your life don't beat yourself up because it is God just making your path clear for the one He has in store for you. So have fun, be safe and just let go and let God.
Wishing you love and light
xoxo
A.P.W
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