Avoiding Self Care!!!

 It's been about two months since I went to therapy. Yes, I go to therapy and let me tell you why? One thing I fear in life after death is losing my mind.  We spend so many hours in the gym and eating right and we think we are healthy but we neglect our mental health because we think we can handle it. But it doesn't matter how many times you go to the gym or you eat healthy if your mental health is poor you are just as unhealthy. Let's be real, with life pressures it sometimes gets too much and you need to talk to someone to help you come to terms with stuff in your life. Now for those who believe that if you are a Christian and you are strong spiritually you don't need therapy let me hit you with this, even Jesus took time to speak to His Father and check-in.  Whenever he needed a break from all the crowds he will move away and talk to his Father. He will go speak to Him get revived and then come back and be amongst the crowds. Life gets overwhelming sometimes, no matter how strong you are we all need help in some way some form and we all need to talk to someone to help us work through our day to day struggles.

Anyways if you read my last blog post, I made reference to the fact that I lacked motivation. I didn't feel like doing anything and I started to judge myself for not going after my goals. I stopped going to the gym, I wouldn't even blog. I hadn't even been to therapy. I would distract myself with work, going out with friends or getting involved with things just to avoid having to do the work. Sometimes from time to time, I would wake up with a start in the middle of the night and a thought will cross my mind suddenly. Most of the time it would be about something I was worried about the day before or in my life or it would about something I did the day before that I know I had no business doing. I believe it is the  Holy Spirit.  He would say you need to work on yourself before you can appreciate and receive the promises God has for you. I would brush it aside and I will just try and go after it and be exhausted when I don't yield the results I would want.





Do you want to know the result of me not doing the work and dealing with my emotions? My Autoimmune is off the roof. I haven't even shared that with my family and friends because I don't want them to worry. But I'm in constant pain, my skin is breaking out in a rash all over. My weight is not what it should be. My hair is falling out badly.  I ignored my gut by attracting people into my life I wouldn't have given a second glance.  Even my prayer life was suffering. I found it a chore to pray. 

 I didn't realize that I was burying and harbouring a lot of things and I was walking around with a smile and even in denial about how I was feeling. But what I realized was that my mind is not at peace and it is affecting my health and even my choices. Last night as I spoke to my therapist and as I was updating what has been happening in my life although I found some of the things I had been through hilarious she saw it as a huge red flag. Immediately she told me that none of these things is you. This is not how you behave or think what is going on? She forced me to unpack so many things I had been ignoring because I wanted to bypass the hard work and move straight to the destination. Without realizing the journey is what makes the destination better.  Two weeks ago I went on a girls trip to Atlanta.  Once the decision was finalized for the trip I started preparing for the trip. I bought the ticket and every day I did one extra thing to prepare for my trip.  Once I prepared the day arrived for travel I had to wake up drag myself to the airport go through the checks got on a plane and flew almost 2 hours to Atlanta. Once I got there it was worth it. Had I missed the steps and just said I'm going to Atlanta and snap of my fingers I just arrived there I would be ill-prepared and the trip would have been a disaster so if I  am trying to go from point A to point Z and bypassing the other alphabets then when I get to point Z I will  ill-prepared and then I will be a complete wreck'

Peace of mind is the most valuable gift any person can ask for but very few can afford it. We take on the burdens of the world. We all suffer from FOMO, we all have or let me speak on my behalf, I look around me and yes I am grateful for my life and the blessings God has bestowed upon me but I realized I was focusing my energy on things I had no business focusing on and it is draining me and I don't even have the energy to focus on things I need to focus on. Every night I will pray to God show me the way, why am I going through all this and the answer lay within me. I can't avoid the work, I can't afford to try and skip steps, I can't afford to accept that I Adjoa Panyin Winful needs to take care of me. I need to focus on what is good for me. And it's not about being selfish but how can I give to others if I have nothing left to.give. How can I be the best version of me so that my loved ones can enjoy me and also I can give. them my energy and my love. And most importantly so I can be intimate with God and appreciate and enjoy that intimacy and also be able to give love to my future husband unconditionally. 

So after I post this blog I'm going to unplug from social media for awhile and remove anything or anyone who I feel won't add to my growth and health. How can I achieve my goals, live in my purpose and be a Proverbs 31 woman if I don't take the time to take care of myself? I'm unplugging from social media because it put unnecessary pressure on me. Not that I was envious of other people's successes, but I would look at women especially black women who were going after their goals and I would speak negatively to myself that you are a loser, you are lazy, look at so and so going after her goals and you are not doing that. Also everyone online is a life coach, a relationship coach or  a pastor or a prophet and has an opinion on everything and all these conflicting viewpoints were affecting me and I realized I was doing more damage to myself and its time to work on me, go on my own journey, fall a few times, get up a few times m and then come to a place where I can say I did it God's way and I'm good. 
I am telling anyone out there who isn't getting the self care they need. It's ok to put yourself first in order to give to those who need you. Take a break, love yourself and trust me the world will reward you for it.

Sending you love and peace of mind
xoxo
A.P.W