Adjusting to see through the darkness
Hello to my readers! This is fairly unusual for me to write another blog entry very close to the last one I wrote. But, this one has been on my heart for awhile and I felt compelled to write it. Today is moving day. I don't know if it is the anxiety of moving but I haven't been able to sleep. The whole time I lay awake, I kept writing this blog in my head. Therefore, I believe that God is asking me to speak.
One of the prayers I constantly pray about is that God should use me to be an influence to others. Have them to believe and trust in Him however He deems fit. I don't think missionary work is my calling, or pastoralship/priesthood. But, people have often told me that, when they are going through a difficult time or need someone to bring them comfort or some type of understanding, they would rather reach out to me. So maybe that is God's way of using me. Or maybe people are just bullshitting me lol. Either way, I was tugged at the heart to write this blog.
I try to write about my life and my experiences. I want to keep it honest and true. I cannot write on someone's experience and use that to bring belief to others. That would be hypocritical of me. So, I will be as open and true as possible.
As you all know or may not, I have endured a lot of challenges these past few years. With regards to my health, my job and maybe it's fair to say my love life or lack there of. I moved back to Canada with so much hope that I was going to succeed. I remember telling my aunt how I felt I made a mistake moving to Ghana and God was calling me back home to Canada. She reminded me that, I should never diminish my experience in Ghana. I had to go through it to be the person that I am today. I should know this, God has a bigger plan for me in Canada though. I honestly believed her. My aunt has a direct link to God. He speaks through her all the time. She has admitted that several times and anytime I felt confused or lost, my aunt will give me some words of assurance without me even telling her about what I was going through.
Anyway, I moved to Toronto. Within 5 months of returning I had found a job. Withing 6 months of being on the job, I had excelled that I was on the best of the best list for the quarter. The guy I fancied at the time was giving me enough attention for me to have hope that our relationship was going to turn around for the better. Ohhh how little did I know that my battles were about to start.
2014 hits and my boss offers me a full time position because I had started out as part timer. Within a week of starting he rescinded the offer saying, the RVP hadn't approved it and it wasn't in their budget. Little did I know this same bullshit boss will come back in my life and lay me off with a very similar bullshit line but I digress. Shortly after, my granny passes and that rocked my world. Through my grief my boss gets me a full time job at another branch because he felt bad. A few months later my health issues begin. Countless doctors offices finding the right treatment. The man I had hoped to be the one makes me aware he ain't on the same page as me. Basically in my eyes, my life was falling apart.
Now for all of you going through your own end of your world moments. When you feel suddenly it's dark around you and no hope is sought; let me tell you it is through the darkness you will find light. I know ,I know cliche. But it's true. A caterpillar must go through a cocoon in order to be transformed into a butterfly. A baby must be in a womb before it will be born. If you give up before your time, you realize how difficult it is for you. You become weak and cowardly. I can honestly tell you this... darkness is not necessarily a bad thing. It is through the darkness, you start to use your other senses to survive. You build strength and stamina. You bump into things along the way that will hurt even more but you start to be more aware of your surroundings and avoid those things that hurt you. Sometimes you feel stifled. Sometimes you feel your loneliest. Trust me it's only the beginning. God is building you up. If only you are patient enough to wait for it. Trust me before it gets better it might get worse.
So as I was saying, towards the end of last year, a lot of changes slowly started to occur at work. It didn't seem like it was to the benefit of us. It got frustrating and toxic. I had started crushing on someone new and although we had become friends he still hadn't noticed me. My health was becoming worse and worse.
One Sunday afternoon, Kakra aka the other half of me was watching a docu on Netflix called the secret. Check it out if you haven't seen it. It talks about speaking positivity Into your life...changing your mindset blah blah blah. Anyways the mind is powerful. What you believe will come to pass. So we decided to change our mindset and attract what we need in our life. I.e the birth of our vision board.
Let's fast forward to 2016. Right now a lot has happened. In the eyes of others a lot is blows are being tossed my way. One blow after the other. Surgery, job loss and others I'm not ready to share just yet. I am nit going to see them as blows but actually see them as restoration. God is working, He is bringing solutions to my problems. I had to have surgery to improve my quality of life. I despised my job but , I wasn't putting in enough effort to find something else...so he had to light fire under my ass. I had to be laid off so, all I could do was put in the work to find a new job. Saw my other doc and she said well we might have to find a more drastic solution for your Auto immune. That to me is a solution. But all of these things come with journeys. God will deliver you from it all but it won't be easy. But trust, once you come out of it you forget how tortuous or painful it was. I mean you remember, but it's hard to remember the exact pain you felt. Like mothers. Labour is painful but can you honestly describe the pain you went through? No!
So I've bored you enough, but I want to say to anyone hurting, feeling lost, confused, alone. Remember, you will get through this. God hasn't given up and neither should you.
The Israelites were delivered from Egypt but it took them 40 years to get to the land of milk and honey. Your delivery will come, but the journey into your land of glory will not be equally as easy. Keep going, close your eyes stretch out your hand and trust your God and your senses. Some days will be super hard. Some days will be easy. But nothing worth having doesn't come without a cost.
Lastly, there is a saying in akan. If you don't sell your disease how do you get a cure. Don't be afraid to let those you trust or even strangers know what you are going through. You do not know how God will use others to touch you. When you suffer alone, it allows you to not move on from your problems. By sharing, my job loss, my ailments, I received, prayers, words of comfort and encouragement. Friends and even strangers helping me find solutions. I mean you don't have to tell everyone or the nutty gritty but be open. Not everyone means you harm. Most importantly, trust God. Have faith and He will do the rest. God loves us and He hates to see us suffer. So He protects us. Sometimes we must all become Jobs and put our trust in Him.
Let me tell you this, You are going to be OK. Trust and believe.
God bless
Lots of love xoxo
A.P.W
One of the prayers I constantly pray about is that God should use me to be an influence to others. Have them to believe and trust in Him however He deems fit. I don't think missionary work is my calling, or pastoralship/priesthood. But, people have often told me that, when they are going through a difficult time or need someone to bring them comfort or some type of understanding, they would rather reach out to me. So maybe that is God's way of using me. Or maybe people are just bullshitting me lol. Either way, I was tugged at the heart to write this blog.
I try to write about my life and my experiences. I want to keep it honest and true. I cannot write on someone's experience and use that to bring belief to others. That would be hypocritical of me. So, I will be as open and true as possible.
As you all know or may not, I have endured a lot of challenges these past few years. With regards to my health, my job and maybe it's fair to say my love life or lack there of. I moved back to Canada with so much hope that I was going to succeed. I remember telling my aunt how I felt I made a mistake moving to Ghana and God was calling me back home to Canada. She reminded me that, I should never diminish my experience in Ghana. I had to go through it to be the person that I am today. I should know this, God has a bigger plan for me in Canada though. I honestly believed her. My aunt has a direct link to God. He speaks through her all the time. She has admitted that several times and anytime I felt confused or lost, my aunt will give me some words of assurance without me even telling her about what I was going through.
Anyway, I moved to Toronto. Within 5 months of returning I had found a job. Withing 6 months of being on the job, I had excelled that I was on the best of the best list for the quarter. The guy I fancied at the time was giving me enough attention for me to have hope that our relationship was going to turn around for the better. Ohhh how little did I know that my battles were about to start.
2014 hits and my boss offers me a full time position because I had started out as part timer. Within a week of starting he rescinded the offer saying, the RVP hadn't approved it and it wasn't in their budget. Little did I know this same bullshit boss will come back in my life and lay me off with a very similar bullshit line but I digress. Shortly after, my granny passes and that rocked my world. Through my grief my boss gets me a full time job at another branch because he felt bad. A few months later my health issues begin. Countless doctors offices finding the right treatment. The man I had hoped to be the one makes me aware he ain't on the same page as me. Basically in my eyes, my life was falling apart.
Now for all of you going through your own end of your world moments. When you feel suddenly it's dark around you and no hope is sought; let me tell you it is through the darkness you will find light. I know ,I know cliche. But it's true. A caterpillar must go through a cocoon in order to be transformed into a butterfly. A baby must be in a womb before it will be born. If you give up before your time, you realize how difficult it is for you. You become weak and cowardly. I can honestly tell you this... darkness is not necessarily a bad thing. It is through the darkness, you start to use your other senses to survive. You build strength and stamina. You bump into things along the way that will hurt even more but you start to be more aware of your surroundings and avoid those things that hurt you. Sometimes you feel stifled. Sometimes you feel your loneliest. Trust me it's only the beginning. God is building you up. If only you are patient enough to wait for it. Trust me before it gets better it might get worse.
So as I was saying, towards the end of last year, a lot of changes slowly started to occur at work. It didn't seem like it was to the benefit of us. It got frustrating and toxic. I had started crushing on someone new and although we had become friends he still hadn't noticed me. My health was becoming worse and worse.
One Sunday afternoon, Kakra aka the other half of me was watching a docu on Netflix called the secret. Check it out if you haven't seen it. It talks about speaking positivity Into your life...changing your mindset blah blah blah. Anyways the mind is powerful. What you believe will come to pass. So we decided to change our mindset and attract what we need in our life. I.e the birth of our vision board.
Let's fast forward to 2016. Right now a lot has happened. In the eyes of others a lot is blows are being tossed my way. One blow after the other. Surgery, job loss and others I'm not ready to share just yet. I am nit going to see them as blows but actually see them as restoration. God is working, He is bringing solutions to my problems. I had to have surgery to improve my quality of life. I despised my job but , I wasn't putting in enough effort to find something else...so he had to light fire under my ass. I had to be laid off so, all I could do was put in the work to find a new job. Saw my other doc and she said well we might have to find a more drastic solution for your Auto immune. That to me is a solution. But all of these things come with journeys. God will deliver you from it all but it won't be easy. But trust, once you come out of it you forget how tortuous or painful it was. I mean you remember, but it's hard to remember the exact pain you felt. Like mothers. Labour is painful but can you honestly describe the pain you went through? No!
So I've bored you enough, but I want to say to anyone hurting, feeling lost, confused, alone. Remember, you will get through this. God hasn't given up and neither should you.
The Israelites were delivered from Egypt but it took them 40 years to get to the land of milk and honey. Your delivery will come, but the journey into your land of glory will not be equally as easy. Keep going, close your eyes stretch out your hand and trust your God and your senses. Some days will be super hard. Some days will be easy. But nothing worth having doesn't come without a cost.
Lastly, there is a saying in akan. If you don't sell your disease how do you get a cure. Don't be afraid to let those you trust or even strangers know what you are going through. You do not know how God will use others to touch you. When you suffer alone, it allows you to not move on from your problems. By sharing, my job loss, my ailments, I received, prayers, words of comfort and encouragement. Friends and even strangers helping me find solutions. I mean you don't have to tell everyone or the nutty gritty but be open. Not everyone means you harm. Most importantly, trust God. Have faith and He will do the rest. God loves us and He hates to see us suffer. So He protects us. Sometimes we must all become Jobs and put our trust in Him.
Let me tell you this, You are going to be OK. Trust and believe.
God bless
Lots of love xoxo
A.P.W
Powerful and so beautifully written.
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