The smart phone friend or foe

Hello Friends,
It is me again, back at it. Another thing inspiring me to write as always.  Well this time I want to talk about something that I guess we all face and has become a part of our day to day lives. Our smart phones. I love my smart phone, as soon as I wake up and I say a quick thank you Jesus, I grab my smart phone to see what I have missed out on whilst I was asleep. I think the only time I was reluctant to check my phone was dawn Wednesday when the results came out that Trump had won, but other than that, I am quick to check who whatsapped me whilst I slept, or what phone call did I miss. What happened on Instagram whilst I slept or what valuable email came through. After I've done my check ins then I go about doing my devotion and as soon as I say Amen, I check my phone again to see what have I missed in the mins to 1 hour I had spent praying to God. When I am leaving the house I always make a quick, check, wallet in my bag, phone in my bag and then I'm good to go.   Even when I go out and I'm making my way out I check to see, do I have my phone, my wallet my transit pass and then I go. I tell friends, I don't care if I lose anything but if I lose my phone, my wallet and transit pass I will lose it. I have become so dependent on my phone that even when I have over checked my whats app, my Instagram and all the apps, I have to stay on my phone, playing a game. At this point who needs a friend or a partner when you have a phone am I right?

To answer my own question it is no. I have this wonderful tool but yet, I can go a whole day without a friend or family member messaging me. Then I feel unloved and neglected. Am I not on anyone's mind that nobody feels the need to message me or check in on me?  Or if I am so busy living life and I do not check my phone all day and I finally have a moment to check my phone and I see that not a single message, or email, shoo not even spam, I'm like dang nobody loves me then I start to get upset. Its crazy how now a measure of love  is based on an object.

Again some of you might not agree with my statement but at the end of the day we can all admit our phones have become a big part of us. Two Sundays ago, a friend of mine and I went to dinner. As we were leaving the restaurant we stumbled on a pair of women sitting at a table across from each other clearly coming to have dinner to catch up but each of them were on their phone. I turned to my friend and I said, can you imagine you've asked your friend to meet you for dinner but, you are both on your phone doing goodness knows what. Can you not put your phone to the side to talk, laugh whatever eat and then once you part ways you can go back to your phone. It really put things into perspective.

I have to be honest, I am guilty of it sometimes, but I am making a  very conscious effort that when I go out with friends or I am out visiting my friend, I keep my phone in my bag or pocket until we part ways. I will only take my phone out if it is a phone call. And thank God that my ringtone will announce who is calling or the phone number that is calling and I can decide to screen the call. Also since I am job hunting, I will answer an unknown number when I am out with a friend during the day in case it is a potential employer calling to offer me an interview. Other than that, I will try and keep my phone away and if I do glance at it, and the message does not need an immediate answer I will respond once I am on my own. I am one person that, I try as much as possible if I am with someone, I want you to have my undivided attention. Whether you are before me or on my phone. If I cannot give you my undivided attention because I am distracted with someone else or with something then I will wait to give you that time and apologize if I am not able to respond to you as quickly.

My point of this blog is this, my love language is quality time, so if you have made it a point to spend time with me or vise versa, be it via phone call or face to face then I require you give me your full attention as I am giving you mine. What is the point of me trying to have a conversation with you or trying to give you my undivided attention and you are too busy, on your phone, instragraming, or chatting to someone else, or reading an email. To me it makes me feel that I am not worthy of your time or I am boring you, maybe I am but at least if you chose to spend time with me whether I am boring you or you are boring me we chose to spend this time together then lets do that and then when we are done we go our separate ways and go be with our phones or other people. Or if I call you, which trust me its not something I enjoy doing unless necessary and you are distracted with talking to someone else or distracted with something else then let me know so I leave you alone to be with that person or thing. Or better yet do not respond and respond when you can. It is quite irritating. Our lives are busy enough, with work, family, spouses or significant others and whats not so if we have decided to take a part of our time to spend it with another person no matter how brief, can we put our phones away or the distractions away and give that thing, or person our ultimate attention. If we chose to spend time with God, can we put our phones away and spend undisturbed time with God. If your children come to you and want to tell you a long winded story you might have heard a million times before can we spare them a few mins to listen to them. This coming from the childless woman. But at the end of the day, the world is filled with so many distraction but if someone is asking for our time and we have decided to give them our time, can we at least put our phones away and give them that time or if that person has called us over the phone can we spare them a few mins and talk to them. Sometimes someone calling you, or asking to see you just might want to see you to give them hope for a brighter day or is going through something and just need a friendly voice.

I know that when my love language is not fulfilled, I feel unwanted and neglected and I will go into shut down mode and I will just distance myself or go extremely quiet where you are forced to ask me what is wrong. But I'm learning to not take it so personal. Or   call them out and say yo!, I'm talking to you or I'm here with you what is so important on your phone that its taking up our quality time? Sometimes people are like I'm sorry I forgot myself or quickly explain why and then I leave it alone.

I'm just saying this, life is too short, we already have so much to deal with day in day out and even making time to breathe is difficult, but if someone has included you in their plan and you have agreed to that time then please, put away the distractions and give that person your full attention. Whatever is on your phone will still be on your phone. If its a life or death situation then respond to it and explain to that person in front of you why you must take that call or attend to that thing so they do not feel like whatever is on your phone is more important than them.

Love your family, love your friends and most importantly love God. our phones are supposed to bring us closer but it is rather bringing us apart. The time that you give to your loved ones or even to strangers let it be meaningful, because you do not know when that opportunity might come again. We wake up to so many regrets, oohh how I wish that I gave this person more of my time, ooh how I wish, I had responded to their message earlier ohhh I wish I wish I wish. Let's stop wishing and let's start doing.

love you all my lovelies

lots of love
A.P.W
xoxo