Is there hope in 2017 for us single folk?
Hello fellow readers,
It is official 10 days until Christmas. I can't believe the year has flown by so fast. I am sure most of us have started making plans for the New Year. Which we will keep at least for the first 3 months of the year and by March we have discarded them like a used condom. Sometimes we have so much hope but then once the year starts and it comes with its own wahala it is almost impossible to stay positive or optimistic about the plans you have made. It takes only a positive mind and resilience to push through and make your resolutions a reality. I know when the year started, I had major plans, the gym was going to be my best friend. Come rain or shine, hail or snow, I will be in the gym. I mean at least I make it a point to go every Monday for my spinning class but then as the week progresses laziness sets in and then I'm like screw it. You would think that moving into a building with a gym, I would be downstairs working out but alas no. I don't go into the basement unless it's laundry day and that is every two weeks. I know I gotta do better especially since I want to go into remission with my autoimmune and I am making it a point that 2017 I will be working out more.
Today I want to discuss two things, but the main topic is dating in 2017. But before I get into that I want to talk about something that I saw this morning that was a bit disturbing. I'm not talking about Aleppo, that is downright depressing but something a bit lighter but depressing nonetheless. I do not know if it is true but, it clearly sparked a conversation in my family group chat this morning. So there are pictures circulating on WhatsApp with a blurb about how this bride went to a bridal shop to buy a wedding dress. She did not have money to pay the full amount and begged the bridal shop she will pay the balance on Monday after her wedding. Come Monday no word from the bride. It has been awhile now and the bride has gone awol. So the bridal shop has taken the bride's picture at her wedding alongside her bridesmaids and the receipt of the dress and is asking people to pass it around so people will see the bride owes money and get her to pay and once they receive their funds they will stop circulating her pictures. Well, I do not know the bride's story; as I said I do not know if this story is true but then if it is true, this is my 5 cents on it. I have never gotten married before nor have I planned a wedding. I do understand that most people would love to have a fairytale wedding. I mean most of us have planned our weddings and we know the kinda dress we would like and the venue and how we would like our weddings. Shoo, Cinderella ain't got nothing on the weddings we have planned. But, is it worth planning a lavish wedding at the expense of your reputation or integrity. Is it worth going into debt and having to hide from your lenders because you cannot afford? On top of all of that, is it not going to bring financial strife into your marriage. From where I stand I see that we live in a society where we want to live a certain lifestyle and impress others that we will do it at the expense of our reputations. I mean I have said this time and time again, why are we so focused on keeping up with the Joneses when the Joneses' are not paying our bills. What happened to do what we can afford? I mean I am not one to knock a wedding that will make Kim Kardashian cry. But then for one day? It's just a few hours. As I said I have never been married so I may not understand, but the older I get the more I start to see that, I would rather enter into a marriage with very little to no debt, especially over a wedding. I would rather do what I can afford. Because at the end of the day, the most important aspect of the wedding is a marriage. The unification of two individuals to become one and families as well. The other things are all just cosmetics. A beautiful elegant, over the top wedding is great too, if you can afford it but have we become a society where we are so focused on the wedding that we have lost the value of marriage and we start our marriages with all these issues we could have avoided if we had really paid attention to the sanctity and the seriousness of marriage.
Anyways it is what it is. I hope the young lady is able to pay for her dress so these embarrassing pictures can stop circulating and she can show her face back in society or at least get to some resolution with the bridal shop to pacify them. Well, my topic isn't about weddings or how what to spend and all that jazz. My focus is, is there hope for single folk in 2017? I follow this world renowned matchmaker called Paul Carrick Brunson - and he posted on facebook that 80% of singles will not go on a single date in 2017. Now trust me as a single woman I quickly clicked on his link to see what he was talking about. It damn near scared me because, here I am trying to stay hopeful and believe, declare and pronounce that in 2017 I will be blessed with a husband and this man is telling us that in 2017 80% of us will not go on a single date!!! Absolute blasphemy, we should be screaming from the streets "off with his head" for saying such a blasphemous thing. Anyways, so I clicked on his link and in summation he said that we have cheapened relationships and the value of marriage that it is very unlikely people would date in 2017. Now how have we cheapened it? Basically with dating apps like tinder where you can easily swipe right and find you a quick lay. Now don't get me wrong I personally know people who have met their spouses on tinder. But, most people and I can attest to this that most people on tinder are not looking for relationships they are looking for a quick lay. The sad thing is that there are people who are willing to give them these things. Now I never went on tinder to find me a lay. I am the sort of girl who believes in a relationship and when I went on I was hoping that I would meet my future husband. Alas to no avail did I succeed, but that's alright. After encountering a few disgusting people on there I deleted the app and decided to focus on my life and at the right time when I believe I am ready I will try a more decent dating website. But I am also saying for those of you on dating websites don't lose hope. I know people who have succeeded at meeting their spouses. There are many frogs but trust me one will be your prince. Besides the truth is with the busy lives we lead, the old way of meeting people is harder but going online is easier to meet someone and it also allows you to get to know someone on a more intellectual, emotional, spiritual level other than physical. Especially if the person is not in your town and you can't readily meet up with them. But also in the day of catfish you have to do your due diligence to weed out the trash from the treasure.
Anyways back to the article, he also said that there is a drop of value in marriage. A lot of millennials have lost the value of marriage and putting in the effort of marriage. So this is my thought on that. We live in a world where it is easy to walk away from something when it doesn't work. Your job doesn't pay you enough, you walk, you hate a subject in school you can drop it. You hate your teacher you drop the class. Your boyfriend or girlfriend does not call you on a daily basis it's basis to walk away. I remember, over the summer I was volunteering at a summer camp. Now the girls had to do dance as part of their session. The dance instructor was a young Jamaican man and very passionate about dance. So he was pretty much an Abby Lee Miller. You know the lady from dance moms. He was tough. But if you have ever taken dance, recreationally or on a serious level dance instructors don't play. But why should they? They take their art seriously. Anyways so some of the girls did not enjoy his class because he was tough. One day we had a parent come to us the counselors and said, she is asking permission on behalf of her daughter for us to let her daughter drop out of the class. So out of curiousity, we asked why. The mother had the audacity to tell us that the girl doesn't like the teacher because he yells at her. Trust and believe I nearly spit out my coffee I was drinking. I was so amazed at what this woman was saying that I couldn't wait to call my mom to tell her the tomfoolery and fuckery I had just heard. Because a teacher yells, your kid wants to drop out of the class?Now I thought she was going to say something a bit more reasonable that her kid said she has two left feet and she is embarrassed that she can't dance and so in order to spare her daughter the shame. Even that does not warrant her daughter to drop the class but maybe we could at least understand that. Immediately the head of the center said in the most diplomatic way that I am sorry I cannot allow that because if I do then the girls would all come and want to drop out of a class because they don't like the teacher. If it was for religious reasons I would permit but not on that basis. I think the mother was embarrassed she even mentioned it to us that she just thanked us and walked away. But, pretty much this is what is happening whenever something is too hard we don't need to work on it or overcome it we give up and walk away. Now again, I am not married so I am not qualified to speak on marriage but I believe that nowadays even when things get hard in marriage we walk away. We have these fantasies of how marriage is supposed to be. It is a continuation of dating. Where we spend time together, where romance is high, we go on dates all the time, we hug we kiss, even when we fight we can't wait to make up. Before we would go on weekends away or spend the night or so with our significant others and we are on our best behaviour and even if we argue we get over it and keep it going. Now we get married and that person we used to date is now our spouse. He might not be as sexy as he used to be. The things we thought were cute become annoying because we didn't have to see it all the time. Now we are splitting bills or now we have taken up the brunt of the bills. Now going on dates almost every night is almost rare because now money for dates is going towards, mortgage or rent or whatever we have to pay. Well, you get the idea, so it's not this fantastical, utopian life we dreamed of ;it's reality and unfortunately reality can be a little bit cruel. This amazing person has turned into this beast or maybe a monster and we are like what happened to that amazing person that I used to know. Then next minute we are in the courts signing divorce papers saying irreconcilable differences. Now I am not saying that is always the case. Sometimes some people really have valid reasons for filing for divorce. I am not trying to trivialize people's reasons but what I am saying is that sometimes when you hear the reasons behind it you are like really? so you couldn't' work it out? Is your patience that thin?. Did you not know these things about the person before you decided to say I do. I think I will be a bit more qualified to speak on it once I get married but I am just saying, if I have waited this long for marriage then best believe whoever I am married to, we going to make this last a lifetime. So you better get your fuckery and foolishness over and done with before you come to me because me I ain't going nowhere. You ain't kicking me out so quickly. Because God knows, I am getting my foolishness and fuckery over and done with so we can make this relationship work. My parents as of Jan 2017 would have been married for 40 years. That is a very long time to have been with someone. Through the good the bad and ugly they worked through it. Has it always been heaven? Far from it. I think the hard times supersedes the good times. I am not saying my parents have a bad marriage. Not at all, those two are best friends. You should see them together, they tease each other, they can talk for hours. I mean even to this day I will be in my room and in the middle of the night I will hear people talking. Only to realise my parents are up talking and laughing. Yes, there are things that I am sure they both wish they could change but through thick or thin they have worked through it and it will be God willing 40 years of marriage next month. I pray that I am blessed to spend that amount of time with my future spouse but one thing my parents have taught me is this. You don't walk away when things get hard, you stay and you fight. When you know that you have fought your hardest, you have prayed, you have worked and nothing is changing then you ask God, do I stay or do I leave ?and if you listen you would hear God tell you what to do. Especially when it comes to relationships, sometimes I know I am guilty of holding on for too long, having faith that things will turn around and sometimes it doesn't, but then I have also been in situations I had no business being in the first place so I was fighting a losing battle. Sometimes I gave up too quickly, but the truth is, with our generation and the ones coming up, giving up is something we do so easily and readily that no wonder the value of marriage has gone down. And even worse people don't even want to get married anymore because what is the point. I had someone tell me once, that just get married if you are not happy you can get a divorce. Once the person told me that I said nope that is not my thinking. It's either I do it or I don't do it at all but divorce will never be an option unless I absolutely have to, but it doesn't mean I will tolerate any kind of foolishness too.
He also mentioned that people don't even know the meaning of dating anymore. Trust me in today's world I don't even know what dating is. The impression I get is when you are dating someone it doesn't mean you are exclusive. It means you like each other, you hang out, but no formal commitment is made. Then when you become exclusive then you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Now correct me if I'm wrong because I have been out of the game so long I do not know what it is anymore. So nowadays we just go out with people, or Netflix and chill because that seems to be the order of the day now. Men are not courting women anymore. you invite them over to your house, you watch Netflix and you 'chill' you don't claim anyone to be your woman because you want to see what your option are. Some of you are meeting some good people but because you always think there is someone better you are not willing to commit and make it work. We always in search of the 20% we are missing in our prospects that we fail to see the 80% that is before us. We want the baddest chick or the hottest guy. We want to be able to have a black book filled with names that we can pick from and then decide who will be lucky to give our time to. We can't even claim people anymore because people don't want to be claimed. And oh tv land does not help us with all these useless dating shows such as The Bachelor franchise and other shows to find dates which eventually turn to something else by the time the show is over. I mean it's scary to know that now courting that back in the day a man had to come ask your father permission to date you has now turned into a swipe right, swipe left.
Lastly, he said that people don't believe in relationships anymore. Which I honestly believe, a lot of people have seen marriages, relationships fail so much that there is no belief in the system. It has become so trivial we have many dating and marriage shows. Like for instance, Married at first sight, where a panel of experts, match you up based on a questionnaire you fill. Then you meet your spouse on your wedding day. You don't know their name, how they look, where they come from, their values, nothing. It is pretty much an arranged marriage. Even in India, the couple gets to meet a few days before I assume before they get married. But here, you know nothing of this person just based on questionnaires which people lie on every day and then you meet at the altar. Then you have 60 days to determine whether you want to stay married or you want to file for divorce. Now I am not saying it hasn't worked. This past season with the exception of one couple that did not survive past the honeymoon, the other two couples survived. But when marriage and relationships have turned into a reality show and you have the option of walking away I wouldn't believe in marriage or relationships either.
But I just want to say to those who after reading my post have lost hope, have packed your bags and ready to join the convent or monastery. I just want to tell you, I believe, I strongly believe if you want something such as marriage, I'm not even saying a boyfriend because I believe most of my single people who read my blog are looking for spouses. You are looking for a spouse you will find one. You just have to be willing to know what you want and go after it. Have faith and pray. Don't go in with unrealistic expectations. Don't raise the bar so high that they only person who can attain it is Jesus Christ. Don't make yourself seem like you are the best thing since red heeled shoes that anyone coming for you is getting the best of the best. Which you are, but trust me if you were perfect you would the most desirable person in the world. Also, you can't expect something from someone if you don't possess those qualities. You need to be willing to fight and I mean on your knees in prayer. You have to realize that you know what, at the end of the day there are many people out there who have found good partners and yes they are flawed but they were willing to put in the work to keep the relationship going. I also believe that if you are sitting there having unrealistic expectations, that yet whoever I end up with has to call me three hundred times a day, has to make me a priority, he has to give me all his time then I'm sorry you are going to be plenty disappointed. I don't think I am needy, yes my love language is quality time but I am not one to lose my cool if you are not calling me all the time. Ok I lie, I used to be but in recent times I've realized that life gets in the way so if you are not able to call me all the time it doesn't mean you don't care but I've learned that some men don't' multitask, so when their focus is on something else sometimes you are on the back burner until they are done what they are doing. We have allowed society to set these rules on relationships that instead of being in unique situations we are supposed to follow these cookie cutter relationship ideals that when it is not met we are quick to end it and move on to find that cookie cutter relationship. I don't know about you but trust me, I am not one to follow the crowd all the time. I like my situation to always be different than someone else. Besides you gotta talk to your partners, If certain needs are not being met, express them, if they are ignored then make a decision but sometimes people are not aware of what they are doing until they are told.
So to end this I want to say, that make sure you are not the 80%. Besides, these are his predictions, it's not set in stone. It is not the bible. You can decide how you want things to happen in your life. Pray about it and give it to God. Besides my God always grants the desires of our hearts if only it won't bring us harm and also in His time. So if in 2017 you want to go on dates and meet your Godsend, put it before God, go to Him in boldness and in faith and it will happen. But as you wait, you work on you like I've said in the previous post. Do your bit. become the person you are looking to date and also speak positively. Think positively, put it out and it will come back to you tenfold. And most importantly, just live your life and enjoy it. Do all the things you want to do, don't wait for that special someone to do it. Go out do it and whilst you are doing it that person may find you. Besides Ruth didn't go looking for Boaz, she was out working and he noticed her. So do the same go out do you and then your Boaz will see you and join you.
Wishing you all happiness and true unconditional love in 2017
lots of love
A.P.W
xoxo
It is official 10 days until Christmas. I can't believe the year has flown by so fast. I am sure most of us have started making plans for the New Year. Which we will keep at least for the first 3 months of the year and by March we have discarded them like a used condom. Sometimes we have so much hope but then once the year starts and it comes with its own wahala it is almost impossible to stay positive or optimistic about the plans you have made. It takes only a positive mind and resilience to push through and make your resolutions a reality. I know when the year started, I had major plans, the gym was going to be my best friend. Come rain or shine, hail or snow, I will be in the gym. I mean at least I make it a point to go every Monday for my spinning class but then as the week progresses laziness sets in and then I'm like screw it. You would think that moving into a building with a gym, I would be downstairs working out but alas no. I don't go into the basement unless it's laundry day and that is every two weeks. I know I gotta do better especially since I want to go into remission with my autoimmune and I am making it a point that 2017 I will be working out more.
Today I want to discuss two things, but the main topic is dating in 2017. But before I get into that I want to talk about something that I saw this morning that was a bit disturbing. I'm not talking about Aleppo, that is downright depressing but something a bit lighter but depressing nonetheless. I do not know if it is true but, it clearly sparked a conversation in my family group chat this morning. So there are pictures circulating on WhatsApp with a blurb about how this bride went to a bridal shop to buy a wedding dress. She did not have money to pay the full amount and begged the bridal shop she will pay the balance on Monday after her wedding. Come Monday no word from the bride. It has been awhile now and the bride has gone awol. So the bridal shop has taken the bride's picture at her wedding alongside her bridesmaids and the receipt of the dress and is asking people to pass it around so people will see the bride owes money and get her to pay and once they receive their funds they will stop circulating her pictures. Well, I do not know the bride's story; as I said I do not know if this story is true but then if it is true, this is my 5 cents on it. I have never gotten married before nor have I planned a wedding. I do understand that most people would love to have a fairytale wedding. I mean most of us have planned our weddings and we know the kinda dress we would like and the venue and how we would like our weddings. Shoo, Cinderella ain't got nothing on the weddings we have planned. But, is it worth planning a lavish wedding at the expense of your reputation or integrity. Is it worth going into debt and having to hide from your lenders because you cannot afford? On top of all of that, is it not going to bring financial strife into your marriage. From where I stand I see that we live in a society where we want to live a certain lifestyle and impress others that we will do it at the expense of our reputations. I mean I have said this time and time again, why are we so focused on keeping up with the Joneses when the Joneses' are not paying our bills. What happened to do what we can afford? I mean I am not one to knock a wedding that will make Kim Kardashian cry. But then for one day? It's just a few hours. As I said I have never been married so I may not understand, but the older I get the more I start to see that, I would rather enter into a marriage with very little to no debt, especially over a wedding. I would rather do what I can afford. Because at the end of the day, the most important aspect of the wedding is a marriage. The unification of two individuals to become one and families as well. The other things are all just cosmetics. A beautiful elegant, over the top wedding is great too, if you can afford it but have we become a society where we are so focused on the wedding that we have lost the value of marriage and we start our marriages with all these issues we could have avoided if we had really paid attention to the sanctity and the seriousness of marriage.
Anyways it is what it is. I hope the young lady is able to pay for her dress so these embarrassing pictures can stop circulating and she can show her face back in society or at least get to some resolution with the bridal shop to pacify them. Well, my topic isn't about weddings or how what to spend and all that jazz. My focus is, is there hope for single folk in 2017? I follow this world renowned matchmaker called Paul Carrick Brunson - and he posted on facebook that 80% of singles will not go on a single date in 2017. Now trust me as a single woman I quickly clicked on his link to see what he was talking about. It damn near scared me because, here I am trying to stay hopeful and believe, declare and pronounce that in 2017 I will be blessed with a husband and this man is telling us that in 2017 80% of us will not go on a single date!!! Absolute blasphemy, we should be screaming from the streets "off with his head" for saying such a blasphemous thing. Anyways, so I clicked on his link and in summation he said that we have cheapened relationships and the value of marriage that it is very unlikely people would date in 2017. Now how have we cheapened it? Basically with dating apps like tinder where you can easily swipe right and find you a quick lay. Now don't get me wrong I personally know people who have met their spouses on tinder. But, most people and I can attest to this that most people on tinder are not looking for relationships they are looking for a quick lay. The sad thing is that there are people who are willing to give them these things. Now I never went on tinder to find me a lay. I am the sort of girl who believes in a relationship and when I went on I was hoping that I would meet my future husband. Alas to no avail did I succeed, but that's alright. After encountering a few disgusting people on there I deleted the app and decided to focus on my life and at the right time when I believe I am ready I will try a more decent dating website. But I am also saying for those of you on dating websites don't lose hope. I know people who have succeeded at meeting their spouses. There are many frogs but trust me one will be your prince. Besides the truth is with the busy lives we lead, the old way of meeting people is harder but going online is easier to meet someone and it also allows you to get to know someone on a more intellectual, emotional, spiritual level other than physical. Especially if the person is not in your town and you can't readily meet up with them. But also in the day of catfish you have to do your due diligence to weed out the trash from the treasure.
Anyways back to the article, he also said that there is a drop of value in marriage. A lot of millennials have lost the value of marriage and putting in the effort of marriage. So this is my thought on that. We live in a world where it is easy to walk away from something when it doesn't work. Your job doesn't pay you enough, you walk, you hate a subject in school you can drop it. You hate your teacher you drop the class. Your boyfriend or girlfriend does not call you on a daily basis it's basis to walk away. I remember, over the summer I was volunteering at a summer camp. Now the girls had to do dance as part of their session. The dance instructor was a young Jamaican man and very passionate about dance. So he was pretty much an Abby Lee Miller. You know the lady from dance moms. He was tough. But if you have ever taken dance, recreationally or on a serious level dance instructors don't play. But why should they? They take their art seriously. Anyways so some of the girls did not enjoy his class because he was tough. One day we had a parent come to us the counselors and said, she is asking permission on behalf of her daughter for us to let her daughter drop out of the class. So out of curiousity, we asked why. The mother had the audacity to tell us that the girl doesn't like the teacher because he yells at her. Trust and believe I nearly spit out my coffee I was drinking. I was so amazed at what this woman was saying that I couldn't wait to call my mom to tell her the tomfoolery and fuckery I had just heard. Because a teacher yells, your kid wants to drop out of the class?Now I thought she was going to say something a bit more reasonable that her kid said she has two left feet and she is embarrassed that she can't dance and so in order to spare her daughter the shame. Even that does not warrant her daughter to drop the class but maybe we could at least understand that. Immediately the head of the center said in the most diplomatic way that I am sorry I cannot allow that because if I do then the girls would all come and want to drop out of a class because they don't like the teacher. If it was for religious reasons I would permit but not on that basis. I think the mother was embarrassed she even mentioned it to us that she just thanked us and walked away. But, pretty much this is what is happening whenever something is too hard we don't need to work on it or overcome it we give up and walk away. Now again, I am not married so I am not qualified to speak on marriage but I believe that nowadays even when things get hard in marriage we walk away. We have these fantasies of how marriage is supposed to be. It is a continuation of dating. Where we spend time together, where romance is high, we go on dates all the time, we hug we kiss, even when we fight we can't wait to make up. Before we would go on weekends away or spend the night or so with our significant others and we are on our best behaviour and even if we argue we get over it and keep it going. Now we get married and that person we used to date is now our spouse. He might not be as sexy as he used to be. The things we thought were cute become annoying because we didn't have to see it all the time. Now we are splitting bills or now we have taken up the brunt of the bills. Now going on dates almost every night is almost rare because now money for dates is going towards, mortgage or rent or whatever we have to pay. Well, you get the idea, so it's not this fantastical, utopian life we dreamed of ;it's reality and unfortunately reality can be a little bit cruel. This amazing person has turned into this beast or maybe a monster and we are like what happened to that amazing person that I used to know. Then next minute we are in the courts signing divorce papers saying irreconcilable differences. Now I am not saying that is always the case. Sometimes some people really have valid reasons for filing for divorce. I am not trying to trivialize people's reasons but what I am saying is that sometimes when you hear the reasons behind it you are like really? so you couldn't' work it out? Is your patience that thin?. Did you not know these things about the person before you decided to say I do. I think I will be a bit more qualified to speak on it once I get married but I am just saying, if I have waited this long for marriage then best believe whoever I am married to, we going to make this last a lifetime. So you better get your fuckery and foolishness over and done with before you come to me because me I ain't going nowhere. You ain't kicking me out so quickly. Because God knows, I am getting my foolishness and fuckery over and done with so we can make this relationship work. My parents as of Jan 2017 would have been married for 40 years. That is a very long time to have been with someone. Through the good the bad and ugly they worked through it. Has it always been heaven? Far from it. I think the hard times supersedes the good times. I am not saying my parents have a bad marriage. Not at all, those two are best friends. You should see them together, they tease each other, they can talk for hours. I mean even to this day I will be in my room and in the middle of the night I will hear people talking. Only to realise my parents are up talking and laughing. Yes, there are things that I am sure they both wish they could change but through thick or thin they have worked through it and it will be God willing 40 years of marriage next month. I pray that I am blessed to spend that amount of time with my future spouse but one thing my parents have taught me is this. You don't walk away when things get hard, you stay and you fight. When you know that you have fought your hardest, you have prayed, you have worked and nothing is changing then you ask God, do I stay or do I leave ?and if you listen you would hear God tell you what to do. Especially when it comes to relationships, sometimes I know I am guilty of holding on for too long, having faith that things will turn around and sometimes it doesn't, but then I have also been in situations I had no business being in the first place so I was fighting a losing battle. Sometimes I gave up too quickly, but the truth is, with our generation and the ones coming up, giving up is something we do so easily and readily that no wonder the value of marriage has gone down. And even worse people don't even want to get married anymore because what is the point. I had someone tell me once, that just get married if you are not happy you can get a divorce. Once the person told me that I said nope that is not my thinking. It's either I do it or I don't do it at all but divorce will never be an option unless I absolutely have to, but it doesn't mean I will tolerate any kind of foolishness too.
He also mentioned that people don't even know the meaning of dating anymore. Trust me in today's world I don't even know what dating is. The impression I get is when you are dating someone it doesn't mean you are exclusive. It means you like each other, you hang out, but no formal commitment is made. Then when you become exclusive then you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Now correct me if I'm wrong because I have been out of the game so long I do not know what it is anymore. So nowadays we just go out with people, or Netflix and chill because that seems to be the order of the day now. Men are not courting women anymore. you invite them over to your house, you watch Netflix and you 'chill' you don't claim anyone to be your woman because you want to see what your option are. Some of you are meeting some good people but because you always think there is someone better you are not willing to commit and make it work. We always in search of the 20% we are missing in our prospects that we fail to see the 80% that is before us. We want the baddest chick or the hottest guy. We want to be able to have a black book filled with names that we can pick from and then decide who will be lucky to give our time to. We can't even claim people anymore because people don't want to be claimed. And oh tv land does not help us with all these useless dating shows such as The Bachelor franchise and other shows to find dates which eventually turn to something else by the time the show is over. I mean it's scary to know that now courting that back in the day a man had to come ask your father permission to date you has now turned into a swipe right, swipe left.
Lastly, he said that people don't believe in relationships anymore. Which I honestly believe, a lot of people have seen marriages, relationships fail so much that there is no belief in the system. It has become so trivial we have many dating and marriage shows. Like for instance, Married at first sight, where a panel of experts, match you up based on a questionnaire you fill. Then you meet your spouse on your wedding day. You don't know their name, how they look, where they come from, their values, nothing. It is pretty much an arranged marriage. Even in India, the couple gets to meet a few days before I assume before they get married. But here, you know nothing of this person just based on questionnaires which people lie on every day and then you meet at the altar. Then you have 60 days to determine whether you want to stay married or you want to file for divorce. Now I am not saying it hasn't worked. This past season with the exception of one couple that did not survive past the honeymoon, the other two couples survived. But when marriage and relationships have turned into a reality show and you have the option of walking away I wouldn't believe in marriage or relationships either.
But I just want to say to those who after reading my post have lost hope, have packed your bags and ready to join the convent or monastery. I just want to tell you, I believe, I strongly believe if you want something such as marriage, I'm not even saying a boyfriend because I believe most of my single people who read my blog are looking for spouses. You are looking for a spouse you will find one. You just have to be willing to know what you want and go after it. Have faith and pray. Don't go in with unrealistic expectations. Don't raise the bar so high that they only person who can attain it is Jesus Christ. Don't make yourself seem like you are the best thing since red heeled shoes that anyone coming for you is getting the best of the best. Which you are, but trust me if you were perfect you would the most desirable person in the world. Also, you can't expect something from someone if you don't possess those qualities. You need to be willing to fight and I mean on your knees in prayer. You have to realize that you know what, at the end of the day there are many people out there who have found good partners and yes they are flawed but they were willing to put in the work to keep the relationship going. I also believe that if you are sitting there having unrealistic expectations, that yet whoever I end up with has to call me three hundred times a day, has to make me a priority, he has to give me all his time then I'm sorry you are going to be plenty disappointed. I don't think I am needy, yes my love language is quality time but I am not one to lose my cool if you are not calling me all the time. Ok I lie, I used to be but in recent times I've realized that life gets in the way so if you are not able to call me all the time it doesn't mean you don't care but I've learned that some men don't' multitask, so when their focus is on something else sometimes you are on the back burner until they are done what they are doing. We have allowed society to set these rules on relationships that instead of being in unique situations we are supposed to follow these cookie cutter relationship ideals that when it is not met we are quick to end it and move on to find that cookie cutter relationship. I don't know about you but trust me, I am not one to follow the crowd all the time. I like my situation to always be different than someone else. Besides you gotta talk to your partners, If certain needs are not being met, express them, if they are ignored then make a decision but sometimes people are not aware of what they are doing until they are told.
So to end this I want to say, that make sure you are not the 80%. Besides, these are his predictions, it's not set in stone. It is not the bible. You can decide how you want things to happen in your life. Pray about it and give it to God. Besides my God always grants the desires of our hearts if only it won't bring us harm and also in His time. So if in 2017 you want to go on dates and meet your Godsend, put it before God, go to Him in boldness and in faith and it will happen. But as you wait, you work on you like I've said in the previous post. Do your bit. become the person you are looking to date and also speak positively. Think positively, put it out and it will come back to you tenfold. And most importantly, just live your life and enjoy it. Do all the things you want to do, don't wait for that special someone to do it. Go out do it and whilst you are doing it that person may find you. Besides Ruth didn't go looking for Boaz, she was out working and he noticed her. So do the same go out do you and then your Boaz will see you and join you.
Wishing you all happiness and true unconditional love in 2017
lots of love
A.P.W
xoxo
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