Celibacy the Forbidden C word

Hola Blog world,
Winter has resurfaced in Canada again. After enjoying a very spring-like February, March rolls around and Winter is in full effect. It's like Winter went on vacation and came back rejuvenated and ready to put in a full shift. Like goodness, can we get a break? I mean if this continues into spring I think I will just pack my bags and find my way to a Caribbean island and return when Summer takes over her shift.

Anyway, I am not here to talk about the weather. As I have said in previous blogs I talk about my experiences. I will not write on anything I do not know about or have not experienced. I also said I will always be honest with my readers about everything, even if it is something that I should not be so bold to talk about. Today I am going to talk about my experience being celibate, why I came about being celibate and why I encourage it.

I remember my mum at the age of nine sat my sister and I down and talked about sex. She didn't call it sex she called in making love. She was very honest about her journey and why she thinks it is best to make love to a man you love. I do not recall if she said we should wait until marriage or not. Maybe she did tell us to wait for marriage, but honestly, she was always so open about it that I don't think there was any curiousity to go have sex. She did not scare us out of sex but because of her openness and honesty, it was like ok well we already know what it is about so why should we even bother. I mean even when we were old enough to have boyfriends the desire was not there. I believe my sister and I either we were discerning and wouldn't feed into any of the guys bullshit or we were just overly picky that when guys approached us if they did not fit the standard we had we wouldn't even waste our time. I can say I was obsessed with certain celebrities that I felt in my heart I would end up with a celebrity. Any guy who came my way and he weren't Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Devon Sawa it was like forget it. ( yes, I had my white boy phase. I mean if you saw JTT in Home Improvement and Devon Sawa in Casper the Ghost and Little Giants you would understand why I had a crush)  Anyways, but as I grew up and realised that I loved me some chocolate I was still extremely picky with who I would end up with. So I never had the drive to really pursue sex until I was much older.

Anyways what made me write about celibacy was because a friend posted on facebook that Karlie Redd from Love and Hip Hop Atlanta and Ceasar from Black Ink Crew are dating, but they have not yet had sex because Karlie Redd is practising the celibacy challenge. On first glance when I read it, I was like well good for her. Kudos to her, if she wants to practice celibacy then great, but then I also found it extremely unsettling that people are calling it a challenge. To me, it was as if it was another internet sensation challenge like the Ice bucket Challenge, the Kylie Jenner lip challenge and all the crazy challenges that have popped up recently. Is this what celibacy has been reduced to... a challenge? Is it now about how long can you go without sex before you succumb to it. Well, the article did not say exactly why Karlie chose to be celibate but I hope her intentions are pure and true.

But aside Karlie Redd, there have been many celebrities who have come out and admitted that they were practising celibacy until Marriage, De'von Franklin and Megan Good, and they went as far as to write about waiting. Ciara and Russell Wilson, Adrienne Bailon and Israel Houghton all practised celibacy before marriage and were very public about their journey of waiting. One thing I can say it all these couples ended up married so clearly, it is a sign that waiting with a partner will bring about marriage. But, having said that, are people practising celibacy because it is the fastest way to get married or is it because they want to have an absolute complete true relationship with God and do not want to tarnish and muddle the waters with sex?

Anyways I am not here to talk about why people decide to practice celibacy, but why I chose to go down that road. Celibacy for me has been a journey, It is not until recently that I actually made a really solid decision to stay celibate until marriage. There are times I have juggled with the idea. Sometimes I will say I am celibate but then when I meet someone I like or love, the thought has crossed my mind to break that vow because I want to be able to share myself with that person. But because I had made that vow a while back, every time I got close to a guy, sex will not happen for some reason. ( They do say that the power of the tongue; what you declare will come to pass) I just think that because I had made that vow to God awhile back He would put obstacles in my way and shortly after the relationship would end or not progress where I wanted it to go and it is almost a relief that nothing happened.
Anyways, with the last guy, before I met him I was in that state of mind where I was not really declaring I was practising celibacy. I was single, so I had no choice but to be abstinent. So when he came into my life, the conversation came up and honestly I did not really share with him I was abstinent or celibate. He did say that he knew that eventually one day we would be intimate but that was not his purpose. He was more interested in getting to know me than pursue sex. Honestly, call it naivete or whatever but it felt refreshing to be with a guy who wasn't enforcing having sex. But as time went on it was agreed upon that we would go down that road. Praise be to God every time the opportunity came for us to get intimate there would be some roadblock, so it never happened. And if you have read my previous blogs you know as of right now he is no more. I am glad we never went down that road because it would have been even harder to walk away and to this day I may have been still pinning after him and praying to God to bring him back instead of realising that he wasn't God's will for me and able to walk away peacefully.

Anyway, what made me really pursue this journey of celibacy was as I was in the situation with the last guy, I started to get really close to Jesus. I started to know Jesus intimately, by reading the word, praying a lot and also reading devotionals especially devotionals about marriage, dating and sex. I use the Bible app and they have so many devotionals on various topics so I encourage you to use the bible app. It is amazing! Anyway, I asked God to show me areas of my life I needed to work on and one area He pointed out to me was celibacy. He made me see that I need to take it seriously, it is not just something I say I am but actually having the mindset and see the importance of not engaging in sex. Also talking to people I know who did not practice celibacy before marriage when they talk about their sex life, not to say they do not have enjoyable ones but shortly after getting married there was no desire to have sex often. It was like it was done so often during the courtship it was like whatever when they got married.  Reading these devotionals and listening to preachings about sex and celibacy I  realised that indulging in sex before marriage allowing me to see some decisions are made blindly especially when choosing a spouse that if I do not have the confusion of sex before marriage I would be a bit more discerning in my decision making.

Now for me, practising celibacy has made me a little bit more discerning when it comes to finding a partner. Especially now, I am looking beyond the physical when it comes to pursuing a relationship. I am not led by my flesh to make certain decisions. I also pay more attention when a man approaches me. I do not let myself be led by empty words but by actions. I am more discerning of a man who has an intimate relationship with God and also willing to pursue celibacy. Other than someone saying we will see or, yes I will practice it and then will try his best to get me to change my mind. It has also allowed me to desire to pursue a relationship of purpose than just having a boyfriend. I have a mindset of a wife than a mindset of a girlfriend.  I am able to pursue God with earnest instead of a shallow relationship. And also one thing is I am not pursuing celibacy because I feel that is the only way God will bless me with a husband, or  It is prerequisite for God to bless me  with a husband, but  to me it is beyond that, at this point if it is not God's will for me to be married I won't be disappointed because my relationship with Jesus is more important than sex.

Now I am not here to tell you to practice celibacy. I am not here to be the sex police. It is a choice you have to choose to make. God isn't opposed to sex, he actually encourages sex, but only in a marriage. And also if your only practising celibacy just to get married then you have the wrong mindset. Pursue it because you want to be fully committed to God. You desire Him and Him alone and because you know God abhors pre-marital sex and you want to have a Christ-like attitude regardless of whether you will end up married or not.

I am not saying it has been an easy journey, I think the real test will be when I do meet my Godsend and being attracted to this person and practising it. I know that God will give us the strength to keep our relationship chaste until we stand before him and get married. Also, another reason why I chose to be celibate because soul ties are real, and you know that once you sleep with someone you are joined to that person and you become one. So every person that person has been with you are tied to all his/her partners. Do you know what kind of spirits you are tying yourself to? I mean all is not lost, you can pray to break those soul ties so you are not joined to those people. Sex is not only a physical thing but a supernatural thing and there are some people that you honestly do not want to be joined to. That is another reason why I choose to practice celibacy.

Anyways, I will not go on and on about why I think you should practice celibacy, as I said I am only writing about my journey. It has not been easy, it is only with prayer and reading the bible that I am able to keep going. But I can say that I know that when eventually I am married, I trust that God will bless me with someone I will be sexually compatible with and we will have a healthy, enjoyable and exciting sex life. But until then I will focus on my relationship with God, I will be able to be more discerning and also trust that the right man will come my way and I will not be wearing the rose coloured glasses to choose a partner because I have allowed sex to blur my vision.

So fellow readers, the journey is yours, if you are trying to live a Christ-like life and you know that sex is what is holding you back and I don't mean just penetrative sex but all forms of sexual contact, ie oral, masturbation, fondling and whatnot  then I tell you it's best you stop now and do it. Find friends who will be accountable for your journey, remove anything that will cause you stumble. Be honest about your struggles and you may slip and fall a few times but don't give up. Eventually, you will be able to be fully committed to the journey. Pray, pray pray and seek the word. Stay away from people who are not supportive of your journey. Not everyone will understand because we live in a world that you must drive a car before you buy it. But trust me if someone must test drive you before they make a choice then you do not want that person because clearly they are confused as to what they want. The one who wants to be with you would not need a test drive. They will be willing to wait with you or for you.

Single people, if you are desiring a meaningful, long-lasting marriage, then first of all date with purpose, commit yourself to God and also change your mindset from boyfriend/girlfriend to spouse and most importantly try and become Christlike.

This is my two cents, you may agree or not agree as I said it is my journey and my experience and I have chosen to share it with the world. I just pray that people will be supportive of my journey and not condemn me for making a decision that I believe is the best and it has brought me a lot of peace and happiness.

Sending you lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W