Was it Love?
Hello Blogosphere,
It's Thursday night and TGIT is on and I am not really paying attention to Grey's Anatomy, I am more concerned with trying to beat level 449 on Candy crush. It is getting on my nerves, to be honest. But once in awhile, I will catch something on Grey's that will divert my attention to it for a bit and then go back to my game. Anyways, my soul has been stirring to write about love because of today's episode and major spoiler alert so if you haven't watched this week's episode I suggest you refrain from reading my blog until you have watched this week's episode. But, anyways there is an old couple on the show and they are both doctors and the wife is sick with a terminal brain disease. The husband doesn't want her to get an operation because he feels that it will not buy her time before she passes and the wife is saying that she needs to have the surgery because it will give her the time. The surgery does not guarantee she will survive it but at least she is optimistic about it. Her reason is because even after 60 years of marriage she still needs time with him. It made me realise the beauty of love even after 60 years she wanted time with her husband and so did he. In the end, she survived the surgery but died shortly after but just enough to say goodbye to her husband. It made me think that she loves her husband so much she doesn't want to leave without saying goodbye.
Anyways so why am I writing my blog ?because honestly these past few weeks, I've been thinking about the guy that I recently had to walk away from. I know its been 3 months and I am not in a woe is me mindset and no I do not want him back, I'm in a better place that I know that God has the right man for me. I know that it doesn't mean that I am pinning for him and praying him back in my life because that would be crazy. Just trying to figure out that how can a man show you that he loves you and his actions were really demonstrative of his love for you in the beginning and then it can just stop immediately. Was it fear that drove him away? Was I too available to him? Was I too in love with him? Did he really love me? Is he really such a good of an actor or a sociopath to pretend to show that he cared or what? The truth is, I really do not want to know the answer. I don't think the answer will make a difference. At the end of the day, I have accepted that he wasn't God's will for me because God wouldn't have made him walk away. God would have kept him there. Then sometimes I'm like I remember that I used to pray when he started to distance himself that God if it is your, will bring him back to me when we are both whole and complete. That prayer starts to come to me sometimes that maybe that is what God is doing. At the end of the day, I can't really stress about it. All I know is this, God has a plan for me. That plan for me will be the best thing for me. I do not know who he has for me or if he has someone for me. But all I know is that whatever it is, will be God's best.
So yes I am in my 30s going on 35 this year, still single, but to be honest, one thing I have realised, I do not for one-second regret loving him or anyone I have loved in my past. I had this come into my heart very recently, well you know actually let me keep it one hundred. Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, I pretend that I am some motivational speaker and I am speaking to a group of people and I am advising them on love and relationships. ( Like really what do I know about relationships I am the queen of the singles) Sometimes by doing that I am able to come up with ideas for my blog but then this came to mind, that falling in love is a very selfless thing to do. Especially unconditional love. When you love someone it's not feeling it is an action, it's a risk. It is a risk because there is no guarantee you are going to get that love back or the same way you are giving it out. To love someone is to be extremely vulnerable, it is an act of service it is giving yourself to someone completely and letting that person either take advantage of you or not. There is no guarantee in loving someone. It doesn't mean the person will be loyal to you or will not hurt you. It just means that you are willing to give to someone without expecting anything in return. I mean just read 1 Corinthians 13 and it will define what love is. It doesn't state that love is reciprocal, it doesn't state that love must only be giving if you are guaranteed it will be given back in return. It just tells you what love is and it is sacrificial. Therefore, to give your heart to someone, love someone unconditionally and not sure if that love will be returned is a huge risk. Sometimes that risk will yield a positive return sometimes it is a loss, but the real gift is this; If you are able to give your love unconditionally, just remember that love will be returned to you tenfold. If you are blessed then it will be with the one you are giving it to at that moment if not then someone else who will be destined to have your love.
Now, I am not advocating that you should stay in a relationship just because you love someone and they are treating you like garbage. I am just saying this that loving someone should be something you shouldn't be afraid to do. At the end of the day love is a gift and to give someone love even without getting it in return is a gift. That love you gave someone whether it is reciprocated or not is a gift. You never know that the love you give changes people. Maybe it doesn't happen when you want it to, but eventually, we all have that moment when we realise that person who gave us unconditional love is what we needed at that time.
I believe that if you have never fallen in love before, I think it is a very selfish thing to do. Now wait wait wait, don't bite my head off, let me explain. As I said love is a risk, it's also an action, if you are not willing to risk giving love or showing love then that means you are selfish. Do you think you are only deserving of receiving than giving? How can you truly be selfless if you can't even give love? I think we have mistaken love to be this fuzzy feeling. Yeah, that feeling is great but it's fleeting. Because one minute we can be in love with someone and the very minute hate them and then love them. Let me tell you this and this is as honest as I will be. I love my siblings and my parents. I love them so much that I will do anything for them. Do I get a fuzzy feeling every time I think of them? Nope, do I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I see them? No. Half the time they get on my nerves, half the time I get irritated with them, but trust me there is nothing I will not do for them. My friends always say that you always complain about your brother getting on your nerves but the minute you guys are in his presence you guys quickly soften up. You fuss over him, you always making sure he is ok. When he comes you guys will serve him, make sure he is well fed and make sure he always has food to take with him. Whenever he needs help you guys go out of your way to help him out. Yes because that is my brother and I love him. Ask a married couple if they always feel in love but best believe that the love they have for their partner is unconditional. At least some of them. So if you haven't felt the feeling of love, I think it's fine, I don't even know what love feels like, but I do know what love looks like. So if you haven't given love and you are waiting to find that amazing love that will make you fall, I am sorry it might not be as you imagined. It might not be a fuzzy feeling, it would not be heart shaped emojis, It would not be butterflies, I think if you feel butterflies you should run and run far because that feeling is fleeting, but when you are willing to give your all without anything in return, or you are willing to see them happy, and do anything to make them happy, if you are willing to give your time, your energy to that person then yes I think you are capable of love.
Anyways all that I have explained is just surface stuff. I do not have a PhD in what love is or have I studied the subject of love but what I have experienced myself, what convicts my spirit, what I've read in the Bible and also speaking to those who have been there or are there is what I am sharing with you.
I just want to conclude, the last guy I loved, I think with him it was the first time I believe I truly loved someone unconditionally, even to this day I still love him, not in a romantic way but in a way that I still want the best for him, if he came back into my life and needed my help I won't hesitate to give it to him. Not because I owe him anything but at the end of the day one thing I've learnt, that love holds no record of wrong and it is not about what you can get in return. I am not going to show love to him to expect him to find his way back to me but it is because it is the Christ-like thing to do. Since God loves me unconditionally and I mess up all the time and he welcomes me back with open arms and God expects us to love our neighbour then I must do that as well.
Anyways, love is a risk, it is also an action, so don't be afraid to love, God knows I am not afraid to, but hopefully the next time I go out and give love it will finally be to the right one. To be honest, as much as heartbreak is good for my waistline, I don't think I enjoy the feeling of not wanting to eat. Now that is the real heartbreak :)
Sending you lots of unconditional love
xoxo
A.P.W
It's Thursday night and TGIT is on and I am not really paying attention to Grey's Anatomy, I am more concerned with trying to beat level 449 on Candy crush. It is getting on my nerves, to be honest. But once in awhile, I will catch something on Grey's that will divert my attention to it for a bit and then go back to my game. Anyways, my soul has been stirring to write about love because of today's episode and major spoiler alert so if you haven't watched this week's episode I suggest you refrain from reading my blog until you have watched this week's episode. But, anyways there is an old couple on the show and they are both doctors and the wife is sick with a terminal brain disease. The husband doesn't want her to get an operation because he feels that it will not buy her time before she passes and the wife is saying that she needs to have the surgery because it will give her the time. The surgery does not guarantee she will survive it but at least she is optimistic about it. Her reason is because even after 60 years of marriage she still needs time with him. It made me realise the beauty of love even after 60 years she wanted time with her husband and so did he. In the end, she survived the surgery but died shortly after but just enough to say goodbye to her husband. It made me think that she loves her husband so much she doesn't want to leave without saying goodbye.
Anyways so why am I writing my blog ?because honestly these past few weeks, I've been thinking about the guy that I recently had to walk away from. I know its been 3 months and I am not in a woe is me mindset and no I do not want him back, I'm in a better place that I know that God has the right man for me. I know that it doesn't mean that I am pinning for him and praying him back in my life because that would be crazy. Just trying to figure out that how can a man show you that he loves you and his actions were really demonstrative of his love for you in the beginning and then it can just stop immediately. Was it fear that drove him away? Was I too available to him? Was I too in love with him? Did he really love me? Is he really such a good of an actor or a sociopath to pretend to show that he cared or what? The truth is, I really do not want to know the answer. I don't think the answer will make a difference. At the end of the day, I have accepted that he wasn't God's will for me because God wouldn't have made him walk away. God would have kept him there. Then sometimes I'm like I remember that I used to pray when he started to distance himself that God if it is your, will bring him back to me when we are both whole and complete. That prayer starts to come to me sometimes that maybe that is what God is doing. At the end of the day, I can't really stress about it. All I know is this, God has a plan for me. That plan for me will be the best thing for me. I do not know who he has for me or if he has someone for me. But all I know is that whatever it is, will be God's best.
So yes I am in my 30s going on 35 this year, still single, but to be honest, one thing I have realised, I do not for one-second regret loving him or anyone I have loved in my past. I had this come into my heart very recently, well you know actually let me keep it one hundred. Sometimes when I am in the bathroom, I pretend that I am some motivational speaker and I am speaking to a group of people and I am advising them on love and relationships. ( Like really what do I know about relationships I am the queen of the singles) Sometimes by doing that I am able to come up with ideas for my blog but then this came to mind, that falling in love is a very selfless thing to do. Especially unconditional love. When you love someone it's not feeling it is an action, it's a risk. It is a risk because there is no guarantee you are going to get that love back or the same way you are giving it out. To love someone is to be extremely vulnerable, it is an act of service it is giving yourself to someone completely and letting that person either take advantage of you or not. There is no guarantee in loving someone. It doesn't mean the person will be loyal to you or will not hurt you. It just means that you are willing to give to someone without expecting anything in return. I mean just read 1 Corinthians 13 and it will define what love is. It doesn't state that love is reciprocal, it doesn't state that love must only be giving if you are guaranteed it will be given back in return. It just tells you what love is and it is sacrificial. Therefore, to give your heart to someone, love someone unconditionally and not sure if that love will be returned is a huge risk. Sometimes that risk will yield a positive return sometimes it is a loss, but the real gift is this; If you are able to give your love unconditionally, just remember that love will be returned to you tenfold. If you are blessed then it will be with the one you are giving it to at that moment if not then someone else who will be destined to have your love.
Now, I am not advocating that you should stay in a relationship just because you love someone and they are treating you like garbage. I am just saying this that loving someone should be something you shouldn't be afraid to do. At the end of the day love is a gift and to give someone love even without getting it in return is a gift. That love you gave someone whether it is reciprocated or not is a gift. You never know that the love you give changes people. Maybe it doesn't happen when you want it to, but eventually, we all have that moment when we realise that person who gave us unconditional love is what we needed at that time.
I believe that if you have never fallen in love before, I think it is a very selfish thing to do. Now wait wait wait, don't bite my head off, let me explain. As I said love is a risk, it's also an action, if you are not willing to risk giving love or showing love then that means you are selfish. Do you think you are only deserving of receiving than giving? How can you truly be selfless if you can't even give love? I think we have mistaken love to be this fuzzy feeling. Yeah, that feeling is great but it's fleeting. Because one minute we can be in love with someone and the very minute hate them and then love them. Let me tell you this and this is as honest as I will be. I love my siblings and my parents. I love them so much that I will do anything for them. Do I get a fuzzy feeling every time I think of them? Nope, do I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I see them? No. Half the time they get on my nerves, half the time I get irritated with them, but trust me there is nothing I will not do for them. My friends always say that you always complain about your brother getting on your nerves but the minute you guys are in his presence you guys quickly soften up. You fuss over him, you always making sure he is ok. When he comes you guys will serve him, make sure he is well fed and make sure he always has food to take with him. Whenever he needs help you guys go out of your way to help him out. Yes because that is my brother and I love him. Ask a married couple if they always feel in love but best believe that the love they have for their partner is unconditional. At least some of them. So if you haven't felt the feeling of love, I think it's fine, I don't even know what love feels like, but I do know what love looks like. So if you haven't given love and you are waiting to find that amazing love that will make you fall, I am sorry it might not be as you imagined. It might not be a fuzzy feeling, it would not be heart shaped emojis, It would not be butterflies, I think if you feel butterflies you should run and run far because that feeling is fleeting, but when you are willing to give your all without anything in return, or you are willing to see them happy, and do anything to make them happy, if you are willing to give your time, your energy to that person then yes I think you are capable of love.
Anyways all that I have explained is just surface stuff. I do not have a PhD in what love is or have I studied the subject of love but what I have experienced myself, what convicts my spirit, what I've read in the Bible and also speaking to those who have been there or are there is what I am sharing with you.
I just want to conclude, the last guy I loved, I think with him it was the first time I believe I truly loved someone unconditionally, even to this day I still love him, not in a romantic way but in a way that I still want the best for him, if he came back into my life and needed my help I won't hesitate to give it to him. Not because I owe him anything but at the end of the day one thing I've learnt, that love holds no record of wrong and it is not about what you can get in return. I am not going to show love to him to expect him to find his way back to me but it is because it is the Christ-like thing to do. Since God loves me unconditionally and I mess up all the time and he welcomes me back with open arms and God expects us to love our neighbour then I must do that as well.
Anyways, love is a risk, it is also an action, so don't be afraid to love, God knows I am not afraid to, but hopefully the next time I go out and give love it will finally be to the right one. To be honest, as much as heartbreak is good for my waistline, I don't think I enjoy the feeling of not wanting to eat. Now that is the real heartbreak :)
Sending you lots of unconditional love
xoxo
A.P.W
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