The Gift of 35

Thank God I made it to 35!!! Yes, I am not ashamed to tell the world how old I am, not many people lived to see 35. I will wear my age with a badge of honour. I had a few friends turn 35 this year and whenever we talked about making it another year, they would say don't remind me. I mean I understand, we are growing older every day. A lot of us had plans and things we wanted to accomplish by then but looking at it, its almost like you are behind on the growth curve. Society has put this unnecessary pressure on us that by your mid-thirties you should have achieved such and such. The truth is, a lot of us are now even figuring out what we want and where we want to go. I can sit here and talk about all the things I lack; I can write several blog post about it and depress myself.  I mean I look at my life and can easily compare it to those close to me and it feels like I am wayyyyyy behind. But I'm not focusing on that, I'm not focusing on the time I have left to achieve it.  I am going to focus on the journey that I am going on and making sure that I make each day worth it.

You know what is funny, there are so many things I desired and uttered audibly for God and anyone with ears to hear what  I wanted. I desire the husband, the children, the big beautiful mansion and multiple homes around the world. I desire to be able to travel every quarter, drive a luxury car. I mean I said it all in my last post. I have prayed to God for those things, even put it on my vision board and its the first thing I see the minute I lift my head off the pillow and you know what? none of that has been achieved. I can sit back and cry my eyes out every day that I am not where I need to be. Every day I'm hearing the amazing things happening in my friends and families lives. Pregnancies, marriages, job promotions, financial successes, new relationships. When I go shopping with some friends and I see where they shop and I'm still shopping in the clearance section. All I see are pictures of the fabulous holidays they are taking and I look at my bank account and I can barely afford a trip to Niagara Falls. ( Which is literally an hour and a half away) But then you know one thing I never ever uttered but I know my heart longed for, is to be loved by all those around me. On my 35th birthday, I saw that love manifest in such a way that I was beyond amazed. You know we always pray that God grant me my hearts desires. And you know what God does answer those prayers. I saw and received so much love in unlikely places. Even at my birthday dinner, walking into the restaurant and seeing people who truly love me sitting there waiting for us. People I didn't even expect to come showed up. My cousin and his girlfriend came all the way from the U.S to celebrate our birthday.  And yes every year I receive love on my birthday but honestly this year it felt different. It didn't feel forced, it didn't feel like an obligation. It felt that all the love that I've put out into the world was being given back ten fold.

So yes, do I still want the things I've prayed for, absolutely every day. My prayers haven't ceased but to be honest, as I've grown older I've realized that as much as those things are great and they add to making our lives even greater without it  I will still survive, my life will keep moving. But if there is one thing that we all cannot live without is love. And love does not have to come from a spouse or a child, but love can come from anyone and as long as you acknowledge it and give it every day your heart feels fulfilled and all your desires almost seem small compared to it.

From now, I'm going to keep asking God to always surround me with love and if love isn't around me let me be the one to give love to others so that if anyone feels unloved they will experience God's love through me.

Sending you love and kisses

xoxo

A.P.W