What the bachelorette taught me!

Hello my love,
Last night I had the chance to watch the finale of the Bachelorette.  You know how much I love the series. I think it is the most unrealistic way to find love but hey, it's worked for some but I still think it makes for good tv. But, it is not a realistic way to find love. At the end of the day, most people don't get the chance to date multiple people at once and then have the chance to pick one to propose to but hey... if it works for you then great.

This season was different we finally had a black Bachelorette and she was very relatable. She kept it real.  She wasn't blinded by foolishness. She was able to read the guys and know who was legit or who was there for the 15mins.  But towards the end, it doesn't matter how smart she was or how much discernment she used with the previous guys when she fell in love all sense went out the window. There was one guy Peter who she couldn't seem to shake off.  Peter is a gem. Very gentlemanly, not aggressive, seemed to genuinely like her, a realist and also very easy on the eyes. I mean I love my black men and I pray to God I marry a black man but if Peter crossed my path I definitely wouldn't turn him down.  Anyways, at the end of the day, Peter felt that it was too soon to propose to her because realistically they had been dating for 6 weeks and it wasn't even exclusively. They went on what 3-4 one on one dates and in between it wasn't like they were talking on the phone constantly and really getting to know each other. She was distracted by 25 guys. He said he saw a future with her, courting her a little bit longer before he decides if she is the one. Girlfriend wasn't having it. She wanted a ring and that was the deal. If she wouldn't get a proposal by the end of the show then she couldn't be with him. I mean girlfriend tried to change his mind. She took him to the fantasy suite even after he had told her that I am not ready for a proposal. I think she was hoping if she gave him some pum pum that will change his mind. If anything at the end of the overnight date he definitely knew he had stronger feelings for her but still wasn't ready to propose. In the end, he said he would propose if that's what she wanted but she ended up saying it wasn't enough and left him and settled for Bryan, which the whole world and her family felt he was just slick Rick. Said all the right things to get her to choose him. ( I honestly feel he wanted to gain publicity and some endorsement deals but hey what do I know). You could tell that when she saw him at the proposal she looked disappointed that this was her choice and even said in her monologue that she felt that maybe she wasn't ready to be proposed to and she should just wait. But the minute he got on his knees girlfriend was jumping up and down and kept saying put that ring on my finger. By then we all knew that the ring meant more to her than the guy.

Anyways I am not here to judge her choice, at the end of the day whether it works out or not that is for her to deal with. Once the show ended I went on social media, I noticed that most people felt she had settled and were just as disappointed as I was with her choice, we also all agreed on that, impatience causes you to make the wrong choice.  We including myself, allow our circumstances and our situations define how we make life decisions. I turn 35 tomorrow, and I had goals for my life that I thought I would have reached by now, be  CEO of a large company, married with  2.5 kids, living in a mansion, driving a Range Rover, rocking Louboutins and just living this high life. But at 35 I am unemployed again, living with my sister, unmarried, no kids in sight, taking public transportation and my most expensive pair of shoes are from Aldo. Now I am not saying that I am not blessed. Based on where I am in life I think that I am so blessed that God hasn't given me the things I hoped to have had by now just yet, because you know what, I could be a CEO but so busy I don't have time for my family, I could be married but in a loveless marriage with a philandering husband, I could have the kids but I could be so distracted with other things my kids are cared for by nannies, I could be living in a mansion but there is no love in my home, I could be driving the range rover but I am not even able to enjoy it. Or it could be the opposite. Whatever the point of my story is this, impatience causes us to make decisions we wouldn't have made if we were not. We end up settling for second best or second worst because we are on a timetable and believe we need to achieve certain things at a certain time.

I was unemployed for a year and I started to get impatient, I was so desperate for a job I was willing to settle for a salary below my grade. I was willing to take a role I was way over qualified for. Nothing was coming my way so the first opportunity that came I took it. I sat there and praised God that He brought me a job even though this job was nothing I had prayed for. I wouldn't have even prayed for a job like that even in a dire position. But here I was accepting a job I hadn't even asked or prayed for and felt it was from God because my desire to find a job trumped my faith in God. Two weeks into the role I realized that the job was certainly not what God had for me or I desired. And trust me I was miserable. Thankfully God is faithful and delivered me from it. (FYI the first day of my job my sister told me that her colleague was going to offer me a job that was closer to what I wanted. I turned her down because I thought I was in a better job. Had I waited just a few days I would have had the option of taking the job my sister had for me as opposed to the one I took)

The same goes for relationships, we look at our age, our biological clocks, our friends around us,  even our younger siblings and we start to panic. We are praying, fasting, going to church, becoming celibate, swiping left and right, going to single events, going out every night, doing all we can to find our life mate. Nothing seems to be working.  Eventually, we decide to take matters into our own hands and whoever walks our way we are willing to give them a chance. Heck, as long as he is breathing he will do. He seems to be all that we want in a man or at least we think he is.There are a  few red flags but who said relationships are perfect. Maybe the one we are meant for is still undergoing preparation. Our gut is telling us that this isn't the one but our desire for marriage trumps the voice of God. Next minute we settle for second best and we end up in situations we had no business being in.  Eventually, after investing our time and energy we end up single and alone. Maybe the man God has for us was just a step away from getting to us but we let our circumstances cloud our judgment and we settle.

If there is one thing I am definitely going to do differently as I enter into my 35th year God willing is use discernment. I am going to listen to the still small voice of the Spirit and let Him lead me towards God's will. I am not going to let my empty bank account scare me into settling into a role I wouldn't have chosen if I was gainfully employed and not anxious to change jobs.  I wouldn't settle for empty words and promises from a guy just because he is feeding me with what I want to hear.  My girl told me this after I had gone to a job agency and they told me to settle for less. She said it is an insult to God to settle for what He doesn't have for you. We have to learn to trust Him completely and His timing. We shouldn't let marriage, a job or anything become an idol in our lives that we will do whatever it takes to make it happen. Even if that means selling our peace and joy just to say we have the ring or the job. God didn't intend our lives to be miserable. Yes, He didn't promise us a trouble free life but He promised us a great life. Although God gives us free will He wants us to seek Him so He can lead us towards the life He has for us.

At the end of the day, sometimes God has what we have asked for and more but we let our time and our schedules get in the way. Ask yourself this every time you decided to go down your own road.. how successful have you been using free will? If your answer is yes then keep doing it your way but if your answer is no, then I suggest you start to ask God for direction.

Sending you love and light
lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W