When it rains it pours!!!

Hello my loves,
It has been a while since I sat behind my laptop and wrote a post. Trust me it is not deliberate. My life has been a rollercoaster and my faith has been stretched and pulled to limits I never thought that it will. I have been hit with so many things at once but you know what, God has a way of seeing you through if only you turn to Him.

I will just give you a quick run down of what has been happening. I signed up to do a course in Life Insurance. Well I know it is far off from what I ever thought I will do. A friend suggested it to me and I said you know it doesn't hurt to learn something new and if I want to start a business it is another way to educate myself to make better financial decisions. The course took up most of my time. Now that the course is done, I don't know if I want to do anything with the course. Thankfully I excelled in the course. I was ok with just getting the passing grade but here I am I passed this course and was the highest in the class. One thing I learnt is this, I underestimate my worth sometimes. I see myself as this person who isn't the brightest bulb or capable of achieving success. What I fail to realize is that whenever I put my hands on something I do well at it. Recently, in my last role, my boss would always undermine everything I did. She always made me feel like I wasn't smart. She would question everything I did and even when I suggested something it wasn't good enough. I started to dumb myself down just to boost her ego. In the end, she did whatever she could to frustrate me out of the role, when I wouldn't budge she had to let me go. I realized that I was more than capable. If anything she saw how bright and smart I was and it intimidated her so she had to do everything in her power to make me feel like I wasn't capable in my role. So in order to brighten her light she had to dim mine. But in the end, God always finds a way to remind you that you don't need a fellow human being to validate you... He will.

My dad arrived in Canada and this time around he came in very ill. The problem is that the docs can't seem to find what is wrong. When he came in he was deteriorating and deteriorating fast. It was frightening to see this big strong man, who was invincible is now half his size and so frail that he needs assistance. He is so disoriented that talking to him takes a lot of patience because I know that he is worried and scared because the doctors can't figure out what is wrong.  It really opened my eyes that our lives can change in an instant.  Nobody is invincible, even Superman has his kryptonite. It has opened my eyes that we need to cherish every breath we take, we need to lean on God more and trust Him to guide us because He knows how many days we have. In the Bible, it tells us to number our days. But when you are young, healthy, or you are at the peak of your career you almost forget that life can change in a blink of an eye. So I've grown to cherish all that I have, the good and the bad and also not to waste time on things that have no value or will stress me out.

There are have been some blessings in my life, but that I will wait and share at a later time because it is still in the early days and I don't want to jinx anything. But one thing I can say is this, we all have an idea of what we want and desire in our life. We have created this perfect image in our mind of how certain things we desire should come. Sometimes we even pray to God about those things and we know that God will give us more than we can ask or imagine. But we also pray that God's will be done. Now when God presents you with His will, sometimes it doesn't come packaged the way you want it. It will have all that you need but sometimes lack what you want. Wants are temporary, needs are permanent.  When you receive the package you sometimes feel disappointed that it is not wrapped up in the pretty bow you expected it to come in. But thank God for my girl who opened my eyes and made me see that what I had prayed for is right in front of me and it even exceeds what I  even needed.  We are all a bit superficial,  sometimes our vanity gets the best of us. But I'm beginning to learn that superficiality won't last long, but stability will. Sometimes God's blessings come in the most unusual ways but if only you allow God to do what he says he will do, you won't need to worry about the little things.

Anyways, writing this blog has been a bit challenging tonight. With all that is going on in my life, I am a bit distracted so I'm going to end it here. I am not sharing this blog to garner sympathy from anyone, if you read it I just ask you to pray for my dad, but I also ask that you remember that when you face difficult times, you can either crumble up into a ball and lay in  corner and not do anything about it or you can have your moment of wallow, pick yourself up grab your sword and slay your dragons. Most importantly sometimes God brings these test our way so we can lean on Him and trust him to see us through.

Sending love and light
lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W