Shattering the glass Ceiling

Hello Blogosphere,
2018 is literally less than  2 weeks away and I realized, I haven't achieved a lot of things I had set out to achieve.  A lot of things happened that were out of my control.  Yes, I did some things I am glad I did but then some of my personal goals I set out to achieve I didn't achieve. I'm not going to sit here and cry woe is me because that is just inciting self-pity. I will be me, pointing the blame elsewhere instead of myself. I am not going to beat myself up too because what has ever come out of that but more self-loathing and regret. But I am going to accept that I held myself back and recognizing it is a step in the right direction.

This year, yes I got a job, lost it and got another one, did a course in insurance, I went to Ghana to get herbal treatment for my autoimmune, I decided to get help with my emotional, spiritual, mental health. I did write my blogs, sought out groups to enhance my blogs and take certain steps to improve the visibility of my blogs. I also put myself out there, became more open and allowed myself to date more and be open to different possibilities but, aside from that there were a lot of things I did not go after because of my own lack of self-worth.



Let me explain, I came back to Canada, wide-eyed thinking the world was my oyster. I had an MBA in hand and I knew I could walk into any employer and I will be hired on the spot, but it was a rude awakening. Some days I wonder if I was stupid to walk away from Ghana because maybe I would be in an executive role, but I can't look back at what could have been. I've had to take one job after another. A lot of them below my skill set because I felt I was constantly reminded that although I am Canadian and have schooled and worked in Canada it wasn't enough. So I ended up staying at these entry-level, lower level positions. It has been frustrating because of course you look at those around you and everyone is moving ahead and I felt stuck. But then I realized that I can't blame anyone but me. Do I put in the extra effort to get noticed? Do  I network enough? Do I use the tools around me? Am I using my Ghanaian work experience and my name as an excuse why I can't get ahead?  Why am I so behind?

Everyone including myself will say at the right time it will all fall into place but do I believe in my heart that I am deserving of these things?  And today thanks to the Women's network roundtable event we had, I realized I am my own glass ceiling. Borrowing the phrase from Queen Tyjondah Marshall-Kerr, the epitome of black girl magic at my place of work. She said that she realized that she was her own glass ceiling. And that made me think, I am too. I am holding myself back. Many people believe in my capabilities but do I? I realized, I wanted to lose weight and I always had an excuse, I wanted to make my blog into a business I made an excuse, my family thinks this amazing dessert I make should be turned into a business I made an excuse. I want love to find me but I made an excuse. I kept making excuses and I have stopped myself from growing and using my full potential and I made that choice today to stop.

Another lovely lady today spoke one of our VPs Deborah Hume and she said that "Feel Fear do it anyway" What she means by that is, every day we allow fear to stop us in our tracks from going after what we want and desire but, we should go ahead and do it.  A lot of things we are afraid of rarely happen and if they do surprisingly we are equipped to deal with it. She also mentioned sometimes you've gotta to do what you don't want to get to where you want. Which is true. Every job I've done, I felt I was too good for taught me something or gave me that extra push to go after what I want. It taught me resiliency, it gave me strength and growth.

Last night a guy I dated briefly this year decided that he wanted to have a sexual relationship with me. The odd thing was we never got intimate when we were dating so what made him think we would after things didn't work out between us . His thought process baffled me. Anyways he would always find fault with every aspect of me. Slowly belittling me. He would say it was observations of my character which is fine, if you think I'm a certain kind of way then that's your opinion, but after yesterday he kept throwing jabs at me and kept throwing and I don't know if it was his intention that by doing that he could make me so vulnerable and worthless I would give in to him. But I realized that I am worth so much more and he wasn't even deserving of a friendship and I went ahead and blocked him. I realized one thing, I cannot allow anyone to block my sunshine. I cannot let someone make me feel less than to get what they want from me. If I am going to see my self-worth then I've got to make sure that I do not allow others to dim my shine and I realized that even though words hurt, I can allow myself to filter through it and not allow it to make me into something I am not.

I've decided 2018 will not have to come before I make certain changes. As I write my blog, I would have made excuses in the past as to why I couldn't go ahead but if I am going to shatter glass ceilings then I need to start now.




I was speaking to one of the managers at work after the roundtable and she told me she will check in on me next month to see what I've done to make these breakthroughs. I am grateful for that because if you know you have someone holding you accountable, in order not to disappoint or embarrass yourself you are forced to go for it.  So this afternoon, I emailed certain people in the organization asking them to do some volunteer work with them in order to get me ahead in my career. I also sent out an email asking one of the women I admire to be a mentor.  I've put words of affirmation up so that I can remind myself every morning when I wake up that I need to achieve these goals.  One thing the ladies said, when you are busy working on yourself, fueling your tank and doing what makes you happy, you will be surprised at what will be in store for you. You attract what you give out. I was so focused on things I had no business stressing about and putting my life on the back burner. I tell you no more, I have my sledgehammer and I am shattering that glass ceiling.

Sending you love and light
lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W