#BlackLove

Hello Blogosphere,

As I sit here and listen to Coltrane play his sax via Tidal on my phone, I am thinking of ways to really talk about this topic that is in the heading.  Not that I have to justify why I am all for black love and why I am such a strong advocate for it for myself but I just wanted to write about why it is important to me.

As a single black woman living in the Western World, there are often a lot of studies that show why black women are single if, they choose to be with black men. The difficulties black women face show the numbers are not in our favour. Black men being incarcerated, dating and marrying outside of their race and as well the men who belong to the LGBTQIA community. Oh, and lest I forget, if we do find a black man he most likely has multiple baby mothers, underemployed and has no desire to commit. The solution to being saved from spinsterhood, black women need to be open to other races. If you want to leave the world of singledom then date a white man, date a Chinese man, date a latino date anything but for goodness sake don't date a black man.

I have been told by a few loved ones and I know they mean well that I need to be open to love from anywhere and anyone. Don't be so hell-bent on dating black men. You haven't had luck with a black man maybe you need to expand yourself and date elsewhere because maybe your husband is not black. Every time I hear that I cringe.  I keep telling them, I am open to a man who is 5'10, I'm open to different body types, shoot  I am open to any man as long as he is part black. They sometimes laugh and say Adjoa you can't be that close minded you don't know who God will bless you with and what if he blesses you with a white man? My response... God knows my heart and he knows I desire a black man and He will bless me with such.

 Yes, it looks like black women have it rough finding love but I have friends of different races who are single who are struggling just as much in the dating pool.   But they do not have to compromise on their preferences just to find love and when I say preference I mean race. If they choose to want to date outside of their race it is not because they are not successful dating within their race but they just prefer to date outside of their own, not out of necessity. There are white women who would only date white men, does that mean they are not being open? When you look at the Asian and East Asian communities, they tend to date and marry their own race. Yes, some are open but there isn't the pressure to date and marry outside of their race if they are not having luck. Maybe I am mistaken but why is it that black women are forced to look outside of black men just to find love?

All the guys that I have ever had any kind of relations with, from just talking, meeting on dating websites and situationships all have told me they adore and only date black women. I know a lot of men in my friend group and in my family that did not need to look outside of their race to find their significant others.  On social media the pages I follow promote black love and every single day, black couples find each other and start healthy loving relationships. I look at the entertainment industry and I see so many thriving black couples. In my own home, I look at my parents and my brother and they are an example. Why then as a single black woman if I am seeing black love all around me, should I compromise in not indulging in it as well?


                                                                 

Now  I am not saying, being with a man from a different race is wrong, not at all. There are many successful interracial relationships that I admire because they have overcome the challenges. Or, the love from a man from a different race would be less than the love I would receive from a black man. No, I know that the love I deserve knows no race or colour but the love I deserve and believe in will come from a black man. A man who will understand me and only me.  A man who will understand my struggles. A man who sees me as his black queen and him my black king. 

Media is constantly portraying the negative aspect of black relationships, our men cheat, our men mistreat us and do not protect us. They sleep with us, have children and leave us abandoned. But they hardly show black love, how deeply a black man will love his black woman and treat her like a queen. Unless we tune into black television stations before we see black love and even then we are reminded that its television and the reality is it does not exist.

This goes out to my single black females out there desiring black love, let me tell you this... it exists and you can have it too. You won't have to be an old maid before that love finds you. Of course, be open, don't limit yourself you do not know where love will come from and how it will come. I am not saying that close yourself to other race. If you choose to be open to other races, by all means, do that, but if you are adamant like me to be found by your black king, then trust that you will. Trust that God knows your heart and He will bless you with the man you desire and that is great for you. Trust that love is a choice and you get to decide who you desire to be with. The most important thing is, you need to know what you desire and not just settle for just anyone that comes your way. Have your standards don't compromise, use discernment and wisdom. But most importantly don't let fear and the world stop you from receiving what you continually pray about each day. God is not sleeping, He sees and hears your prayers. He is just waiting on you to let go and let Him take control. Love will find you when He says its time. For now, let's keep uplifting our black kings out there and open our hearts to the ones who love us and trust and believe love will find you.

Sending you with the bright light of black love

xoxo
A.P.W