That guy you thought you wanted but realized you were going to settle

Hey blogosphere,

It is Monday night, the weather has been amazing and I think spring is finally showing up. Now we just need this weather to continue so my winter blues will finally dissipate. I'm home on the couch just chilling and I'm telling you since  I left for the gym I've been dying to write this blog. But I got home, got a phone call, then I had to have dinner and then I decided to go shower so that I can fully commit to this blog. Now what is left is to twist my hair before bed. Naturalistas you understand the struggle. But that is not what I am here to talk about.
 As you all may know I have been unemployed since April of last year. This Saturday will mark exactly a year since I was officially laid off. I thought I would have been working by now but so far nothing. Had a few bites here and there but nothing that materialised.
A few weeks ago, I finally got an interview for a job that I've been trying to get in since I moved back to Canada. I couldn't believe my luck after 4 years of being back in Canada constantly applying for this job I finally got an interview. I was so psyched. I did the phone interview and I was selected for the face to face. It was with a reputable company, you know they have bomb benefits I mean I had been praying to work for that department for years.  You know it felt like that guy you had been eyeing forever, uber fine, tall, has a killer body, big feet, dresses well. I mean Idris ain't got nothing on the dude. For awhile you just see him and drool, you've given him the googly eyes, you have done your google search on him. He is everything you ever wanted and dreamed of. Then finally he notices you and asks you out on a date. That's how it felt like. Anyways, I had enough time to grab a coffee at a nearby coffee shop and hobble into the interview in uncomfortable shoes. I mean I wanted to look right and tight. I wanted to look like damn we would be a foolish not to hire her. I got there sat there and waited for the interviewer to call me. I sat in the interview and to be honest, they began to tell me about the job. Trust me the job title did not match job described.  Actually, it was lower than what was portrayed. It felt like a huge disappointment. You finally get the date you look cute and then you sit down with the guy and he isn't as great as you thought he was. He is at best average. The big feet turn up to be a size smaller than the size shoes he is wearing. He has some flags, not red flags but you know flags, but at the end of the day you start to think you know what nobody is perfect so why not. He is not bad or horrible he is just not great. You decide to give it a chance. So here I am selling myself as if I was one of the runner-ups for the Bachelor and I was hoping to get the rose at the end of the date. At one point the interviewer was like your resume is great but I feel like you won't be able to use your skills for this role. I was like Nah its cool at the end of the day I'm willing to learn. For me, it was a stepping stone into my dream job and dream department. At this point, if they wanted me to sweep floors I was willing to do.

Nevertheless, after the lacklustre interview/date, I felt that I would be settling for this role but hey its a step to something great. I was willing to work. Moreover, when you have been unemployed for awhile you kinda get desperate.  it is just like the single girl who hasn't had a man in so long, she looks at her age, her depleting eggs and she says to herself that yeah I can wait for the perfect guy but at the rate I am going I will wait forever so who said there is such a thing as a perfect man . So you are willing to settle just so you can get the boat moving.

Moving on, so today after waiting for 2 weeks for a response I decided to contact the recruiter who linked me up with the job to see if she has heard anything yet from the hiring manager. She gets back to me and says, unfortunately, they decided to go with someone else and they didn't really give her a tangible reason but, she knows something is out there for me. Ok let's be honest, I wasn't disappointed, hurt or heartbroken. I think I was maybe a little relieved but shocked as well. So just imagine, the guy you had wanted so bad, you finally go out on a date with him and it is lacklustre and you say hey might as well give him a chance and then this man comes back to you and says well you are not his type. I mean you are not disappointed but it's like WTF b@$#$#  I was going to give you a chance and you are telling me I am not your type. But you are like you know what it's all good. Now I can get with someone who is worth my time.

I have, to be honest,  I wasn't feeling the job when I interviewed initially but I really wanted the job because I'm thinking of my racking up bills, and as much as it's nice not to have to wake up at the crack of dawn, then fight for a seat on the overly packed train and deal with people all day. I won't lie I am tired of being home almost all day and knowing what shows are on tv at every hour. I actually miss the rat race and coming home tired and exhausted. The looking forward to making time to meet up with friends and complain about working and how you long for the weekends. I mean I feel sometimes I am wasting away. But then I think about it and I am blessed. I have a great support system. There are many people in my shoes who do no have a roof over their head, and no support and can't even afford a meal or to feed their family or themselves. I am very fortunate to be able to do that and more.

I know that God has everything under control, and during this time He has supplied my every need and help has come from the most unusual places. My family has been amazing, my friends have been amazing but there is also a part of me that is like I want to be able to afford my own stuff and pay back people. Not that I borrowed money but, at least to have the option to give back to those who gave to me and to others who do not have. But, there are days I want God to come down and tell me when I am going to get a job and where. When I'm going to get married and to who. I mean I think I've been very patient but like dang, God can a sister know what's up? Like can I get a text or a meme or something to let a sister know that yo! on the 12th of April 2017 the job is going to come and it is with this company and it is going to pay you this much. Then I can sit back and chill and say aight God thanks. But Nah, all He says is do not worry, and trust me and I know the plans I have for you. I am not trying to ungrateful, but honestly, we all have those moments when waiting becomes difficult and you just want answers.

Just to wrap up, it has been hard I am not going to lie, there are days I have had a nervous breakdown and cried on the phone to my mom. But for the most part, I have reassured that everything will work out. I believe that I know it takes time; as my girl said that God already knows the plans he has for our life. We spend so much time stressing but there is nothing we can do to change what God has for us. Another said rejection just means you are one step closer to getting what you want. I mean can it be here already? Anyways, I've been trying to think up good lotto numbers so if anyone knows the winning numbers for this weeks jackpot, just pm me so I can play it because I am beginning to think that the reason I haven't got a job yet is because I'm about to win the lottery and when I win I definitely will quit my job. But if you ain't got the winning numbers at least keep me in your prayers because trust me there are days the stripper pole is looking pretty good lol

Have a good night guys

Lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W