If he likes you he will be mean to you!
Good evening Blogosphere,
It is a beautiful day in Toronto. The weather is 30 degrees celsius and it was a crime to be indoors today and it is also National Ceasar's day. If you are unfamiliar with Ceasar's it is a tomato drink with vodka horseradish and it garnished with anything savoury. At work today we decided to celebrate it so, my co-worker made us some Ceasars. (The benefit of working in the alcoholic beverage industry). It was my first time having one so I guess today I broke my Ceasar virginity. It was definitely good but to say it will be my drink of choice. Ummm no! This is just one Canadian who won't embrace this Canadian tradition. When I told my co-workers I have never had a Ceasar it was if I had just blasphemed. But it was a good first experience but definitely not my thing.
Let's get into why I am writing today. My co-worker last week got a phone call from her 10-year-old daughter who was extremely upset. Apparently, a boy at school has been teasing her relentlessly and it has been really affecting her. Well, that particular day the boy had called her fat and stinky. Which she isn't any of those things but it really upset her. And it upset my co-worker immensely because she did not like to see her daughter upset. My co-worker goes on to tell us that it has been going on for awhile and what is weird is that the little boy's mother absolutely adores my co-worker's daughter. She is always sending treats through her son to give to the girl. My co-worker didn't want to get involved because she wants to teach her daughter how to fight her own battles and stand up for herself instead of expecting her mother to come to her defence. My co-worker is already finding it hard not to go to the school and shake up the little boy but she decided against it. Anyway, we all came to the conclusion that it is clear the little boy has a crush on her; because we were all taught that if a boy is mean to you or teases you it means he likes you. Am I right? Did we not hear that as little girls? But as soon as we said that, we quickly in unison admitted that we do not want her believing that is acceptable behaviour. She then goes on to say she wants to teach her daughter that when a boy or a man likes you he will treat you nicely just like her husband treats her.
It got me thinking, this kind of doctrine that a boy who likes you will treat you like trash. The most comforting thing either our mother's or female influences will tell us is that "ooh he is only doing that because he likes you. Unfortunately, we grow up thinking that is how it works. As teenagers most of us girls liked the bad boys. The emotionally unavailable guy. The guy who was the tough guy, never expressed his feelings, seems to be a player. He approaches us fills our ears with empty sweet nothings, plays with our emotions and the more he played with our emotions the more we liked him. Eventually, when he has us where he wants us, he becomes stone cold and then next minute he is playing the same game with the next girl. The cycle continues until we hit our 20s or maybe 30s. I just figured it out a few months ago that the bad boy persona is not cute anymore and I want a man who is nice.
I am not saying that my mother taught me to go after the bad boy. If anything she taught me to always look out for the good boy. But, then I guess, listening to peers, and society I just perceived that the bad boy was better. What if I had listened to my mother and paid attention to the good boy, the one who treated me like a queen? Maybe I would have saved myself the heartache.
I admire those females who from the jump, always knew to pay attention to the "corny" guy. The guy who was the least desired because he was too nice or sweet. They are the ones who obviously paid attention to their mom's or female influences. Do not let the bad boy persona fool you, it is all a facade, an insecurity a way to show that they are tough. Who knows, maybe they had unnecessary pressures put on them. Maybe they were the super nice kid that got overlooked so the only way they could get the attention of a female is to take on the bad boy persona. I don't know.
This is PSA for all parents, guardians, future parents. If you have a daughter, let her know that it is not acceptable to think that a boy who treats you horribly at school or teases you or is mean is the one that likes you. Always let her know that a boy who truly likes you will make you feel special each and every day. Do not entertain bad behaviour. If you have a son, teach him that is not about having multiple women to make you desirable, but a man who respects women, who treat women with respect or in the case of when he is a little boy that you treat girls well. Because at the end of the day the good boy wins. Also, father's be an example to your sons. How you treat his mother or the female in your lives is what he will see. Mother's be the example to your daughters. How you allow yourself to be treated will teach her how she is to be treated. So if you are being mistreated, she is going to think it is the norm. If you are being treated well she will see that a woman must be treated well and won't accept less. Father's do the same for your daughter's as well. Let her see how you treat her mother and she will know that this is how a man will treat her. Mother's same with your sons.
I have heard that nowadays, some father's are taking their young daughter's on dates so they know how a woman must be treated. I think it is important. We marry our fathers and our sons marry their mothers. Watch an episode of Iyanla and you will see how important it is to be a role modelf for your child.
I am glad that the light bulb finally went off in my head. No more bad boys for me. And if I do get with one, then he is reformed, restored and renewed. God has done a work in him and he has realized that he needs to be a better man for a better woman.
Anyways' I'm exhausted, its friday tomorrow and its a long weekend so thank God I get to sleep in on monday.
Happy National Ceasar day!!!
Lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W
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