This is a case for the Ghost Busters
Good evening my people,
I am not going to waste time and go straight into it. I am speaking from my own experience and also what I have heard or seen from others. But seriously, it seems like there are a lot of ghost roaming the earth nowadays. Or better yet, a lot of people who have gone into Ghostland. Seriously, all I keep hearing how people are vanishing from the face of the earth with no explanation whatsoever. One minute a person is here the next minute they are gone never to be heard from again.
Let me explain myself properly, but there is a term that we hear often called ghosting. For those who are not familiar with the term let me give a brief explanation. It means when a person all of a sudden vanishes from your life without rhyme or reason. Just poof !gone,! like hookah smoke. Let me be honest, if you are single or were single at one point you have experienced ghosting. Most victims happen to be females but some females also play that game. I won't lie, I have been ghosted on and also been a ghost in the past. But... but before you jump on me, the only reason why I would ghost someone is if I have made it clear by vocalising my lack of interest and you still keep pursuing or if you are not consistent and keep appearing and disappearing then when you do show up I ghost you. But today I am going to talk about being ghosted on.
Ok check this out, you minding your business, you might have come to the resolve that you are going to take a break from dating or looking for someone. You just want to live your life and then all of a sudden out of nowhere this man enters your life. (Again I am not saying it does not happen to men but I am speaking on behalf of women today). So this man walks into your life. You are a bit sceptical because of course, you have accepted that you are happy being single or whatever your reason may be. You try to avoid getting close, you might come off a bit standoffish at first but then this man is relentless. As Sade put it he is a smooth operator. He is saying the right things, maybe doing the right things. He just seems to be everything you may have prayed for. He might not be your type or maybe who knows but honestly for a lack of a better word he is "perfect". He is sending the good morning text, good night text. He is always calling to check up on you. He is the king of flattery. He wants to spend every waking hour with you. Ultimately you allow yourself to break down your walls because the truth he is an answered prayer. The problem with prayers is that although you are directing your prayers to God, the devil also hears you too. Now at the end of the day, they both answer your call but this is when you are supposed to use discernment to see who responded to your prayers. Anyways, this man is all you can ask for and imagine. He is pulling his weight. He is too good to be true. But, then you know if you are like me and based on my last experience, you have some gnawing feeling in your soul that it is a matter of time before the shoe drops. You might express your gnawing feeling to friends and family and because they are excited for you, they might tell you that it is just fear getting to you. Just let go and let God.
Eventually, after you have let your guard down, you start to invest in this person, spending hours on end on the phone with this person to the point your network cuts the call just so you can call again. You would rather miss sleep to talk to that person. You start to feel like ain't nothing can hold you down. You are always happy. Not even the news can depress you. Every sentence starts with his name and ends with his name. Everyone in your life knows about this guy. He shares his life with you, he pulls you in and makes you feel like you are the most important person in his life. He might take you out on dates if you are fortunate to have him in the same city as you. I mean dude appears to be invested. But, there is something that doesn't seem right. You can't put your finger on it but you know deep down something ain't right, but then you brush it off as nothing and you are overthinking things. If you are a praying woman like me, you will blame the devil for putting fear in your heart.
Well, the day finally comes, he just flips, it might be slow but it happens. He might go through some form of tragedy in his life. In my case, that was what it was.Some might say work is keeping them busy. Whatever the case, he slowly withdraws, you go from talking every hour, to every few hours, then instead of responding to you immediately, it takes hours to reach out, then slowly it dwindles from hours to a day from a day to days then, weeks.Finally, it becomes once a month. When they do reach out, they are short with you, his responses are three letter words. In the beginning, they are apologetic when they don't respond as quickly but eventually not even an acknowledgement for your missed calls or messages. They seem irritated with you every time you reach out. You go from being pursued to the pursuer. You give all the excuses in the world for his behaviour. The more he pulls away the harder you fall. Eventually, you start to pull away because you do not want to come across as needy. Your friends and family are telling you to open your eyes but you give excuses for his behaviour. In my case, I kept saying he is grieving that is why he is distant. It got so bad, I was reading on the effects of grief. I almost took a course in grief counselling just to be supportive. Sometimes they reach out and they feed you with all the sweet nothings and it prevents you from moving on.I hear that is called bread-crumbing. Never letting you go but also not giving you the attention you deserve. Ultimately you start to get woke and you ask the necessary questions and then poof they are gone. Sometimes they even ghost you before you have the chance to ask what's up in your relationship.
Now it's no big deal if they ghost you in the beginning because no feelings have been invested but, when you have fallen and fallen hard, it is harder to walk away. You start to figure out what you did to get him to leave. In my case, it was a relief when he walked away because dealing with his inconsistency was getting to me. But then after awhile, when the dust settled and I had time to process what went on I started to wonder was it me? Did I push him away? Did I come on too strong being supportive? Was I clingy and desperate? I mean sometimes I had to find a reason why. It's not like I wanted him to come back and tell me why because I guess I was afraid if he told me the real reason I won't be able to cope. It was easier to come up with different scenarios to help deal with his departure. But I had to realise that it didn't matter if I was Beyonce or not. If a man wants to stay he will stay. There ain't nothing you can do to keep a man in your life.
Anyways, ghosts sometimes make guest appearances. They come back into your life and haunt you. I mean Casper is a friendly ghost and I wouldn't mind Casper popping in to say hi but some of these dudes come back as vampires or zombies. They just come and suck they life out of you. Now if you find yourself encountering an unfriendly ghost, I want you to do me a favour and call the Ghostbusters. Their phone number is 1800 Ghost Be Gone. They have the right equipment to extinguish the ghost from your life But then, it is up to you decide or discern, is this a friendly ghost or a scary one.
Look, let's be real, life happens, what is yours will be yours no two ways about it. Sometimes a man comes into your life before his appointed time and life separates you because you have to get your ish together and then at the right time you guys will find your way back into each other's lives. To be fair I believe in second chances. There are some people who are not mature enough at the time you meet them and they go back, do the necessary growing up and show up.This is where you need to use discernment to see if this person is from God or the devil. Sometimes, some people are meant to be your assignment. They are meant to teach you something and then when their time is up their departure has to be drastic so you don't consider giving them another chance. Also like I said, some of them are from the devil. The devil sends him to distract you from your God intended one and maybe because the one intended for you might not come dressed the way you would want him to therefore you would overlook him and go for the one dressed the way you want. Let me be truly honest, the last guy who ghosted me, I won't lie I was in love with him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He is not a bad person at all but, what he did was not very nice. If I am allowed, to be honest without judgement, if he is to come back into my life, I won't lie and say I won't even glance his way, I may hear him out and also pray for discernment not to be blinded by the love I have/had for him. I often joke to my friends that if he is to show up and wanting a second chance, dude must come to my front door, with his family, his pastor, his lawyer, a lie detector test, DNA, STD test, an affidavit, and to topple it off present me a big fat 5 carat ring proposing marriage before I will even consider allowing him through my front door. I'm just being silly but the truth is, as much as I still care for him deeply, the trust I had for him is gone and as my brother said, why would you want to even allow a man who walked away from your life with not even a goodbye come back in. He clearly had no respect for you so don't entertain him again.
Anyway, I just want my ladies to know. I know how it feels to be in love or in like with a guy, to feel he is the one and he decides to punk out and ghost on you. If he has chosen to join the land of boyfriends past, then let him go join his ancestors. Why are you still holding onto hope that he will show up?
You are just holding yourself off from meeting the man that God has intended for you. And if that man is yours to have because I do believe that God can transform anyone then trust that God will bring him back to be the man deserving of you. But at the end of the day, let the ghost stay ghost and entertain the living. Sometimes the blessing is in the ghosting.
Anyways, Empire is almost on and I want to go pay attention to that. Anyways, if you need to get rid of a ghost that won't seem to leave you alone. Dial 1800Be Gone First visit is free, subsequent ones that's on you boo. They don't make repeat calls. You might need to call a priest from the subsequent ones because clearly, you need an exorcism.
Have a good night guys.
Sending you love and blessings
Xoxo
A.P.W
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