I'm sorry girl but he don't want you!!!!
Hello Blogosphere,
Today has been a great day. I started my new job!!!. For those of you who do not know, after a year and month of waiting, I finally got a job. God is soo good. Let me give you a quick backstory. Two weeks ago, my siblings decided to have a talk with me about my job search. They wanted to see how they can help me get a job. I just listened patiently but I felt lost. Everything they were telling me I had already done but nothing seemed to be working. As I was talking to them, I just told God that I surrender. I have done everything and I really don't know what else to do. So please direct my path. After I said Amen a small voice just said post it on social media. I was a bit reluctant because I had done it before. But the voice insisted so I did. Immediately, after posting I got such an overwhelming response Then a friend of mine I haven't seen in 10 years tags her friend in the post and immediately her friend contacts me that her company is looking for someone to take up a role and if I am interested. I said yes. I send her my resume. This was on Thursday, by Monday I was receiving a call from the president of the company to come for an interview on Wednesday. By Friday I had received the call that I had been hired and today I started work. It is a great company and I'm loving it. God's perfect timing. It has been a very jubilant weekend and you will be amazed how so many people have been so happy for me and sending me messages. My her cried, my dad who is not reactionary person screamed on the phone. It was definitely a very happy time. So yes your girl is back in the workforce and this time I am going in with a different attitude. This time I see that I am working for God not man so I am going to do everything with a cheerful demeanour.
Anyway, that is not why I am blogging today. If you have been following my blog you know that I love me some reality tv. Although, I love reality tv I have a limit to what I will watch. Anything Kardashian I won't be caught wasting my free time or my busy time with them. But I do enjoy my ratchet ones. Last night I am sure those of you who love reality tv definitely watched RHOA and saw the messiness of Phaedra. But she isn't my inspiration. I also watch Real Housewives of Potomac. And my inspiration comes from Robyn. Now if you don't watch Potomac I will give you a very brief history. Robyn was married to Juan, a former NBA player. They have been together since High school. Unfortunately, Juan cheated and Robyn filed for divorce. That's all fair and dandy, but then what makes her situation unique is that for the sake of the children they have decided to live together so the kids don't' have to suffer the consequence of divorce and apparently since he left the NBA a friend defrauded them so they are also not in the best place financially. To save money they decided to live together. I know with this economic climate, people are forced to live together against their will. In Robyn's case, they are living together, sleeping in the same bed, having sex and carrying on as if they are married but they are divorced. According to Robyn she still has "feelings" for Juan but she isn't ready to give their relationship a chance Whereas Juan wants her to take him back. Ok fine whatever. But then what is funny is that, as we watch the show, Juan has no interest in Robyn. He is not courting her, He hardly goes out with her. He doesn't even spend time with her. And when they do go out together to events, he sits in one corner and she in another. So if this man is soo into you and wants a comeback, why does he act like you are a side chick than a woman he wants to be with. Even a side chick gets more attention. Anyways, rumour has it that Juan is seeing someone else. But Robyn is in denial claiming that they are divorced he is free to do as he wants and besides he wants her back and she is the one being difficult blah blah blah blah but, yet you are giving him all the benefits of a wife but you are holding back.
Anyways, watching this show it is easy to sit back and say that Robyn is a damn fool. And how is she going to make this man play her like a fool? You damn well know this man don't want you but you are afraid to let him go so you will do anything to keep him around but he is making you look stupid as hell. ( Sorry wanted to sound as real as possible) the other housewives have been telling her that she is getting the short end of the stick and she needs to wise up and just move on from him. But she keeps telling everyone to stay out of her business and nobody knows the deal. Well it looks like next week she will get an awakening but we will eventually find out. So yes it is reality tv and yes it can be all made up and so there might be no truth to the matter but, at the end of the day most women have been a fool to a man even myself. I mean even if Robyn's story is all made up for TV ratings it is very real amongst a lot of women. Women living in denial to keep a man in the picture because the fear of having to move on and start all over again. The fear that this is better. Looking at our age and circumstances and thinking if we don't settle down we are letting our best years pass us, living in the past and also having hope that things will change.
I have been a Robyn, even with the last guy I clearly was a Robyn. Even though things started to go down the toilet, I kept making excuses. "Oohh our circumstance was different'. 'It is because of the tragic event he is going through that is why things have changed and once he is himself again things will go back to normal'. 'Oohhh I know he loves me but he isn't one to express his feelings'.' Oooh yeah, he is so busy and that's why he has become distant'. And then when you do hear from him or he shows some or very little affection or feeds us with foolishness we use that to hold onto hope. "Look he is coming around'. 'Oohh I told you he loves me'. We find reasons to justify his behaviour and then we look at our age, our circumstance and because we have already built a future with this guy in the past or in our head we do not want to let go. Everyone around us becomes haters. Shoo, even your mama becomes a hater because she is pointing it out to you that this man don't want you. I remember my mom would tell me that this situation does not seem right and I will throw bible passages at her and say ye one of little faith have faith things will turn around. I mean those of us who are spiritual, we start declaring and denouncing the devil. We cast out the demon out of the situation. We start to think that it is a family curse. We also start to seek guidance from pastors or spiritual leaders to justify it is the work of the devil instead of accepting that the reason why this man isn't budging is because he don't want you. Plain and simple.
Yes, sometimes you meet a guy and it starts off perfect, both of you have feelings for each other. You both believe this could be it. But then circumstances change. You can't explain it. It is like one morning he wakes up and his feelings have changed. The night before he might have promised you the world and then come morning he is as cold as ice. The arguments become constant, his actions do not add up to his words. He starts to distance himself. Using every excuse in the book as to why. Whenever he wants a little attention he comes back feeding you all the bs you can take. Then once he is done with you, he goes back to his cold standoffish ways. The more distant he becomes the more in love you become. You want to save him. You believe his problems are weighing him down. How do you let a man go that you have invested everything in?
One thing I have learned, this past year and even watching the men in my life and speaking to them; that when a man loves you and wants to be with you. There is nothing that a man won't do to show his love. It doesn't matter what is going on in his life, even if things are hard, yes sometimes they might retreat for a bit but once it is brought to his attention He will do whatever he can to make you see that He wants to be with you. We always give men the benefit of the doubt. But at the end of the day, Shemar Moore said on Steve Harvey show that you never give a man the benefit of the doubt. Maya Angelou said if someone shows you their character believe them. So if a man is showing you he is not interested he most likely is not interested. And even if he is going through something he will let you know that he needs some time and most likely will give you a time frame and even then He won't ask you to stick around if you can't wait for him. A man who truly loves you and cares for you, won't let you question or doubt.
I've heard this saying a few times, do not let a man tell you twice he don't want you. Why do we allow ourselves to go through heartache time and time again? Why do we hold on to men who clearly do not want us because we think we can change his mind.
One thing I have learnt is this, if you know what you want and desire, when a man is not giving it to you, you won't waste your time on him. You shouldn't settle for less just because you think you can't get what you deserve. We live in a time where statistics tell us that there are more women than men.And the men that are available are either married, gay, or not ready to settle down. We have allowed ourselves to become desperate that we will cheat ourselves out of God ordained relationships to waste our time on men who are not destined to be with us.
Since getting close to God, I don't even stress about any guy who walked away from me. I just see it as this wasn't the man God had for me so I need to move on and let God be God. Why am I pining over someone who wasn't mine from the get go? Why am I trying to get his attention by posting silly memes on social media, or inspirational messages to get him to see that I am the girl he wants to be with. Now don't get me wrong, I do believe that some men do find their way back to the woman they used to date. I know people who are very close to me who have reunited with their exes and are happily married or in committed fulfilling relationships. I just believe that if a man wants you back, I mean genuinely wants you back he is going to do whatever He can to make you the woman in his life. He will come back transformed and ready to be the man you need him to be. I mean sometimes, the timing isn't right. Sometimes you both need maturing, sometimes things arise that cause you to separate. Maybe he felt he wasn't ready to settle down so wanted to go about do him and then when he was ready, come back for you. But with the last reason honestly, I believe that if a man knows what he wants and he is presented with it, he won't lose the best thing he has just to go chase after women he knows he doesn't see a future with. And why would he think you will sit around and wait for him?. My guy, if you feel you need to sow your royal oats even though you are being presented with a queen and you are going to forgo the queen to chase after peasants ( not trying to insult anyone) then my friend you don't know what value is. But let's just say he comes to his senses, then he will come back differently.
Girlfriends, do you boo, stop holding onto toxic relationships. Let him go. If he wants you and he is God's will for you, God himself will make it happen. Why are you sitting up figuring out how you can keep your man and fight for his attention when you can be clearly spending time building yourself up and preparing for who God has for you. Ladies, it's about time we let go of being Robyns and start seeing our self-worth. I don't care what society says about the shortage of men. We are over 7billion people on this planet. If you are meant to be married, there is someone out there for you. Stop limiting yourself to your cities or your countries. Be open, travel the world, do the things you love. Focus on being a better you and trust me at the right time, God's time God Himself will make a way. Use my job situation as an example. I waited over a year for a job. Although I was waiting I used my time to look for work, but then I still went out had fun. I didn't let my lack of a job stop me from living my life. I focused on changing my attitude so that when I do get a job I will go in with a positive attitude, I travelled, I spent quality time with family and friends, I volunteered. I kept myself busy. Yes, there were days I wondered when and where the job will come my way. God made a way. And in a week my life changed. It wasn't even a job I applied for. It was something that came easily and that is how your Mr Right will come. When you least expect it and focusing on you. He will show up and you wouldn't have to stress and force him to see you.
Anyways, it has been a long day. I'm exhausted and I have to be up at 445am to get ready for work. So to my ladies, I get it, self-worth its easier said than done. But then when you start to self-worth, and you know what you want. You will let go of the toxic man and wait for the right one. Do me a favour if you are in a Robyn like situation, sit down by yourself and really think about what you want in your future spouse. His qualities, his traits his character. Really be honest with yourself. And look to see the man you are currently with aligns with the qualities you are looking for. If he doesn't then sweetheart you need to rethink your situation. Nobody is perfect, that much I know but, don't have unrealistic expectations. I know your friends and family are telling you to get rid of him, but I honestly think you need to get to that point yourself. Ask God to give you the strength to move on and also the discernment and wisdom. Once you do that, you will see that you are selling yourself short.
Ok, I'm wishing you all the best ladies and God bless, remember you are the prize. So straighten your crown and keep moving.
Sending you love and blessings
lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W
Today has been a great day. I started my new job!!!. For those of you who do not know, after a year and month of waiting, I finally got a job. God is soo good. Let me give you a quick backstory. Two weeks ago, my siblings decided to have a talk with me about my job search. They wanted to see how they can help me get a job. I just listened patiently but I felt lost. Everything they were telling me I had already done but nothing seemed to be working. As I was talking to them, I just told God that I surrender. I have done everything and I really don't know what else to do. So please direct my path. After I said Amen a small voice just said post it on social media. I was a bit reluctant because I had done it before. But the voice insisted so I did. Immediately, after posting I got such an overwhelming response Then a friend of mine I haven't seen in 10 years tags her friend in the post and immediately her friend contacts me that her company is looking for someone to take up a role and if I am interested. I said yes. I send her my resume. This was on Thursday, by Monday I was receiving a call from the president of the company to come for an interview on Wednesday. By Friday I had received the call that I had been hired and today I started work. It is a great company and I'm loving it. God's perfect timing. It has been a very jubilant weekend and you will be amazed how so many people have been so happy for me and sending me messages. My her cried, my dad who is not reactionary person screamed on the phone. It was definitely a very happy time. So yes your girl is back in the workforce and this time I am going in with a different attitude. This time I see that I am working for God not man so I am going to do everything with a cheerful demeanour.
Anyway, that is not why I am blogging today. If you have been following my blog you know that I love me some reality tv. Although, I love reality tv I have a limit to what I will watch. Anything Kardashian I won't be caught wasting my free time or my busy time with them. But I do enjoy my ratchet ones. Last night I am sure those of you who love reality tv definitely watched RHOA and saw the messiness of Phaedra. But she isn't my inspiration. I also watch Real Housewives of Potomac. And my inspiration comes from Robyn. Now if you don't watch Potomac I will give you a very brief history. Robyn was married to Juan, a former NBA player. They have been together since High school. Unfortunately, Juan cheated and Robyn filed for divorce. That's all fair and dandy, but then what makes her situation unique is that for the sake of the children they have decided to live together so the kids don't' have to suffer the consequence of divorce and apparently since he left the NBA a friend defrauded them so they are also not in the best place financially. To save money they decided to live together. I know with this economic climate, people are forced to live together against their will. In Robyn's case, they are living together, sleeping in the same bed, having sex and carrying on as if they are married but they are divorced. According to Robyn she still has "feelings" for Juan but she isn't ready to give their relationship a chance Whereas Juan wants her to take him back. Ok fine whatever. But then what is funny is that, as we watch the show, Juan has no interest in Robyn. He is not courting her, He hardly goes out with her. He doesn't even spend time with her. And when they do go out together to events, he sits in one corner and she in another. So if this man is soo into you and wants a comeback, why does he act like you are a side chick than a woman he wants to be with. Even a side chick gets more attention. Anyways, rumour has it that Juan is seeing someone else. But Robyn is in denial claiming that they are divorced he is free to do as he wants and besides he wants her back and she is the one being difficult blah blah blah blah but, yet you are giving him all the benefits of a wife but you are holding back.
Anyways, watching this show it is easy to sit back and say that Robyn is a damn fool. And how is she going to make this man play her like a fool? You damn well know this man don't want you but you are afraid to let him go so you will do anything to keep him around but he is making you look stupid as hell. ( Sorry wanted to sound as real as possible) the other housewives have been telling her that she is getting the short end of the stick and she needs to wise up and just move on from him. But she keeps telling everyone to stay out of her business and nobody knows the deal. Well it looks like next week she will get an awakening but we will eventually find out. So yes it is reality tv and yes it can be all made up and so there might be no truth to the matter but, at the end of the day most women have been a fool to a man even myself. I mean even if Robyn's story is all made up for TV ratings it is very real amongst a lot of women. Women living in denial to keep a man in the picture because the fear of having to move on and start all over again. The fear that this is better. Looking at our age and circumstances and thinking if we don't settle down we are letting our best years pass us, living in the past and also having hope that things will change.
I have been a Robyn, even with the last guy I clearly was a Robyn. Even though things started to go down the toilet, I kept making excuses. "Oohh our circumstance was different'. 'It is because of the tragic event he is going through that is why things have changed and once he is himself again things will go back to normal'. 'Oohhh I know he loves me but he isn't one to express his feelings'.' Oooh yeah, he is so busy and that's why he has become distant'. And then when you do hear from him or he shows some or very little affection or feeds us with foolishness we use that to hold onto hope. "Look he is coming around'. 'Oohh I told you he loves me'. We find reasons to justify his behaviour and then we look at our age, our circumstance and because we have already built a future with this guy in the past or in our head we do not want to let go. Everyone around us becomes haters. Shoo, even your mama becomes a hater because she is pointing it out to you that this man don't want you. I remember my mom would tell me that this situation does not seem right and I will throw bible passages at her and say ye one of little faith have faith things will turn around. I mean those of us who are spiritual, we start declaring and denouncing the devil. We cast out the demon out of the situation. We start to think that it is a family curse. We also start to seek guidance from pastors or spiritual leaders to justify it is the work of the devil instead of accepting that the reason why this man isn't budging is because he don't want you. Plain and simple.
Yes, sometimes you meet a guy and it starts off perfect, both of you have feelings for each other. You both believe this could be it. But then circumstances change. You can't explain it. It is like one morning he wakes up and his feelings have changed. The night before he might have promised you the world and then come morning he is as cold as ice. The arguments become constant, his actions do not add up to his words. He starts to distance himself. Using every excuse in the book as to why. Whenever he wants a little attention he comes back feeding you all the bs you can take. Then once he is done with you, he goes back to his cold standoffish ways. The more distant he becomes the more in love you become. You want to save him. You believe his problems are weighing him down. How do you let a man go that you have invested everything in?
One thing I have learned, this past year and even watching the men in my life and speaking to them; that when a man loves you and wants to be with you. There is nothing that a man won't do to show his love. It doesn't matter what is going on in his life, even if things are hard, yes sometimes they might retreat for a bit but once it is brought to his attention He will do whatever he can to make you see that He wants to be with you. We always give men the benefit of the doubt. But at the end of the day, Shemar Moore said on Steve Harvey show that you never give a man the benefit of the doubt. Maya Angelou said if someone shows you their character believe them. So if a man is showing you he is not interested he most likely is not interested. And even if he is going through something he will let you know that he needs some time and most likely will give you a time frame and even then He won't ask you to stick around if you can't wait for him. A man who truly loves you and cares for you, won't let you question or doubt.
I've heard this saying a few times, do not let a man tell you twice he don't want you. Why do we allow ourselves to go through heartache time and time again? Why do we hold on to men who clearly do not want us because we think we can change his mind.
One thing I have learnt is this, if you know what you want and desire, when a man is not giving it to you, you won't waste your time on him. You shouldn't settle for less just because you think you can't get what you deserve. We live in a time where statistics tell us that there are more women than men.And the men that are available are either married, gay, or not ready to settle down. We have allowed ourselves to become desperate that we will cheat ourselves out of God ordained relationships to waste our time on men who are not destined to be with us.
Since getting close to God, I don't even stress about any guy who walked away from me. I just see it as this wasn't the man God had for me so I need to move on and let God be God. Why am I pining over someone who wasn't mine from the get go? Why am I trying to get his attention by posting silly memes on social media, or inspirational messages to get him to see that I am the girl he wants to be with. Now don't get me wrong, I do believe that some men do find their way back to the woman they used to date. I know people who are very close to me who have reunited with their exes and are happily married or in committed fulfilling relationships. I just believe that if a man wants you back, I mean genuinely wants you back he is going to do whatever He can to make you the woman in his life. He will come back transformed and ready to be the man you need him to be. I mean sometimes, the timing isn't right. Sometimes you both need maturing, sometimes things arise that cause you to separate. Maybe he felt he wasn't ready to settle down so wanted to go about do him and then when he was ready, come back for you. But with the last reason honestly, I believe that if a man knows what he wants and he is presented with it, he won't lose the best thing he has just to go chase after women he knows he doesn't see a future with. And why would he think you will sit around and wait for him?. My guy, if you feel you need to sow your royal oats even though you are being presented with a queen and you are going to forgo the queen to chase after peasants ( not trying to insult anyone) then my friend you don't know what value is. But let's just say he comes to his senses, then he will come back differently.
Girlfriends, do you boo, stop holding onto toxic relationships. Let him go. If he wants you and he is God's will for you, God himself will make it happen. Why are you sitting up figuring out how you can keep your man and fight for his attention when you can be clearly spending time building yourself up and preparing for who God has for you. Ladies, it's about time we let go of being Robyns and start seeing our self-worth. I don't care what society says about the shortage of men. We are over 7billion people on this planet. If you are meant to be married, there is someone out there for you. Stop limiting yourself to your cities or your countries. Be open, travel the world, do the things you love. Focus on being a better you and trust me at the right time, God's time God Himself will make a way. Use my job situation as an example. I waited over a year for a job. Although I was waiting I used my time to look for work, but then I still went out had fun. I didn't let my lack of a job stop me from living my life. I focused on changing my attitude so that when I do get a job I will go in with a positive attitude, I travelled, I spent quality time with family and friends, I volunteered. I kept myself busy. Yes, there were days I wondered when and where the job will come my way. God made a way. And in a week my life changed. It wasn't even a job I applied for. It was something that came easily and that is how your Mr Right will come. When you least expect it and focusing on you. He will show up and you wouldn't have to stress and force him to see you.
Anyways, it has been a long day. I'm exhausted and I have to be up at 445am to get ready for work. So to my ladies, I get it, self-worth its easier said than done. But then when you start to self-worth, and you know what you want. You will let go of the toxic man and wait for the right one. Do me a favour if you are in a Robyn like situation, sit down by yourself and really think about what you want in your future spouse. His qualities, his traits his character. Really be honest with yourself. And look to see the man you are currently with aligns with the qualities you are looking for. If he doesn't then sweetheart you need to rethink your situation. Nobody is perfect, that much I know but, don't have unrealistic expectations. I know your friends and family are telling you to get rid of him, but I honestly think you need to get to that point yourself. Ask God to give you the strength to move on and also the discernment and wisdom. Once you do that, you will see that you are selling yourself short.
Ok, I'm wishing you all the best ladies and God bless, remember you are the prize. So straighten your crown and keep moving.
Sending you love and blessings
lots of love
xoxo
A.P.W
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